Words get in the way

[angel61]

As usual, you hit the nail on the head, Cyrena. He is cake eating, and I always felt that because of his upbringing and his pride, he could never picture himself not being a good father and provider.

The feeling that he is betraying OW: I already see that starting in him. I think that is why he has stopped being intimate with me. I can almost feel him stopping himself from being close to me... whenever we have an unguarded moment of happiness together, he pulls back, almost visibly.

Your description of your H's OW I think also fits into my H's OW. I remember when I talked to her before, she was very adamant that she had no desire to have a permanent R with my H. She said all she wanted is to be friends. From whatever communication she has with my H that I have seen, its always just on the edge of implying a relationship but not quite. She has never mentioned love, but says she values him, his advice, guidance, etc....she does say things like "this and that reminds me of you", or that "I wish you would stay longer" but not even "I miss you". And just like your H's OW, she has gained from her friendship with my H: She got accepted into a post-doctoral program at a prestigious university here in CA into the same program my H had done, due to my H's intervention, and also, he is allegedly helping her with her research project.

I also think that she did reject his more serious advances before. I once saw a piece of paper in my H's notebook that said saomething about rejection, acceptance and moving on. This was early in the sitch, sometime after bomb. But obviously, because she was gaining something both emotionally and career wise, she kept on the contact. If she truly cared about H, she would not want him to keep on bring hurt by the whole sitch.

I once had a dream where H was sobbing to me, telling me she just used him. I will not be surprised if thats the case.

Anyways, enough of OW. No, I don't think about them all the time, I am actually pretty much happy and productive otherwise. Of course in a day, I usually have only maybe an hour to think about my sitch, but weekends can be a little tougher.

My 180's .... ongoing. I decided to cook this whole week that H is out of town. I usually don't, as that is H's job. I made it a point to let him know that! sent him pics of my dishes! Its one thing I am always dependent on him, ever since!