Still never responded to her message from this morning. I watched her run earlier and she took second in her race...it looked like she may have pulled something mid race so im a bit concerned about her health...want to ask her if she is ok but am struggling with whether or not I should or how I should if I do given how things have gone as of late. Other than that, I've been ok the past day or two with respect to focusing on me and other things to avoid actually sending her any messages.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
She actually just messaged me and said "I'm hurt" right after I hit send on my previous post. The husband in me automatically wants to spring to but geesh...what the hell am I to do?
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
She actually just messaged me and said "I'm hurt" right after I hit send on my previous post. The husband in me automatically wants to spring to but geesh...what the hell am I to do?
Didn't even get that far. Before I ever even responded she called my office phone (it doesn't have caller ID so I thought it was a student...I'm an academic advisor at a university). She was crying so I just listened. Said she had an injury similar to one she had last year that knocked her out for the first half of her season. Says she's not sure how bad it is so she's devastated. I just listened to her primarily and she said she just wanted me to know and she finally reached a point where she said she just needed a minute to try to gather herself and would call me back.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
Well I never heard back from my W Friday night about her injury. Saturday was tough for me. I found out late Friday night that my W started planning a party for OM's bday in October. She started planning it on Thursday and got hurt Friday. So strange. I lanned to get up and pack on Saturday and found myself still in bed around noon. W messaged me around 12:30pm on Saturday saying "Cool picture." She saw I'd updated my picture on facebook and my phone. I didn't open the message so she wouldn't know I'd received it. About 4pm, I get a call and the ID reads "Unknown Number." Answer the phone and it's my W.
W: Hey is the yard guy still coming by to cut the yard since I've been gone? Me: Yes. W: Oh...well he hasn't been getting paid. Me: I assumed you had taken care of that. W: Oh ok. Well I'll make sure it gets taken care of. That's all I really wanted. Me: Well how is your leg doing?
As soon as I asked her that it was like a floodgate opened up and she wouldn't stop talking about it. Reiterates how scared she is but that she is at peace with it and is giving it to God. Then she asks how am I and what am I doing. I said I'm not ok but I will be and I'm packing. She asks me to get on Skype at this point.
Don't know why but I did and 2 and a half hours later I'm finally getting off with her from our video chat. It's 6pm and I basically got nothing done all day. At one point during the convo she told me she thinks good things about me all the time but then immediately forces herself to snap out of it. Says she knows she needs to sit down for counseling when she gets back and figure out why she can't let go of things I've "done" in the past but at the same time, sees herself being able to be with OM before she can see herself being with me. Says she doesn't know if she can honestly say she respects OM because she hasn't known him long enough but that he's "proven" himself to her. Says there are different kinds of love and her love for him is growing and of course, what would be complete without telling me about everything I've done wrong since 2004? Finally get off when she goes to sleep. I hung out with some friends Saturday night just to get out of the house.
Saturday night I had some really vivid nightmares. I was locked in OM house and could hear him screaming at my wife but I couldn't get to her. Woke up and didn't want to go back to sleep because so much happened in the dream, I was literally scared to fall back into it. Sunday rolled around and I went to my DivorceCare group. A gentleman was there that was going through similar and struggled to open up so I said he could call me afterwards. He said just by talking to me he was able to feel a lot better so it felt good to be able to help someone else.
W messaged me around 3:45pm saying "U ok?" I didn't see the message initially. My phone rings and it's a weird number so I answered it and it's my W. She says she sent me a message but just wanted to know if I was ok. Told her I was and that I was packing. Kinda stressed about finals this week and having to move but I'd be ok. Told her about a couple new job opportunities I'm looking at. She asked how my class went that morning and I told her it was good. Told her I was given a video to watch called "Choosing Wisely: Before You Divorce." I told her I'd leave a copy of it at the house for her if she were interested and she said she was interested.
So all in all, I really don't know how I feel right now. I may have found an apartment that I can get into on Friday. Have a 10 pager I need to knock out by tomorrow and an exam on Wednesday night. Then it's moving on Thursday and Friday and she's supposed to come home on Sunday for about 10 days. Really don't know what to expect and I'm still in this weird funk but I'm working on coming out of it. I went to a comedy show last night with some friends but still found myself thinking about her nonstop.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
Says she knows she needs to sit down for counseling when she gets back and figure out why she can't let go of things I've "done" in the past but at the same time, sees herself being able to be with OM before she can see herself being with me. Says she doesn't know if she can honestly say she respects OM because she hasn't known him long enough but that he's "proven" himself to her. Says there are different kinds of love and her love for him is growing and of course, what would be complete without telling me about everything I've done wrong since 2004?
mgm, it seems to me like she sees being with OM as being easier than working through your issues with you. If she can't figure out how to work through the issues with you, she also won't be able to do it with OM. She will be back in this same boat again. Hopefully she will see a good IC when she gets back.
This seems to be a pattern with several of us around here. Our WASs are harboring hurts from the past. They are not learning the true meaning of forgiveness.
Exactly. She admits she hasn't forgiven me and struggles with that. How she thinks that is possible while bringing OM into the equation is beyond me. She has even recognized that she rationalizes her behavior and knows that is wrong. She expresses a desire to not do this and yet continues to do so.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
