Oh, one other thing I should mention is that he said something in the car about how I "yelled at him for two years" - and I said, "I think that sounds like one side of the story." I said, "You've been mean to me for two years." He said, "That's b/c you yelled at me for two years." Then I said, "It was b/c you were mean to me."
(It wasn't wholly serious - but that's all that got said).
This is where you are supposed to VALIDATE, not argue!!! Instead of acknowledging that HIS experience was that you yelled at him for two years (and I have no doubt that was his experience) and that that must have been sad and scary - you went right into defensive mode and basically told him it was all his fault (which obviously it wasn't if you had postpartum depression at least some of it was due to that and not his fault at all).
OWN it - you weren't easy to live with, you scared the bejeesus out of him by becoming a crazy woman like his mom. Apologize for your part, without making excuses.
And no, he's not playing you. He's genuinely confused and torn. Keep dropping the rope, validating, and showing him you CAN be a sane loving rational human being.
