Feels Like I'm In Two-a-Days

[MadeToSucceed]

Well I never heard back from my W Friday night about her injury. Saturday was tough for me. I found out late Friday night that my W started planning a party for OM's bday in October. She started planning it on Thursday and got hurt Friday. So strange. I lanned to get up and pack on Saturday and found myself still in bed around noon. W messaged me around 12:30pm on Saturday saying "Cool picture." She saw I'd updated my picture on facebook and my phone. I didn't open the message so she wouldn't know I'd received it. About 4pm, I get a call and the ID reads "Unknown Number." Answer the phone and it's my W.

W: Hey is the yard guy still coming by to cut the yard since I've been gone?
Me: Yes.
W: Oh...well he hasn't been getting paid.
Me: I assumed you had taken care of that.
W: Oh ok. Well I'll make sure it gets taken care of. That's all I really wanted.
Me: Well how is your leg doing?

As soon as I asked her that it was like a floodgate opened up and she wouldn't stop talking about it. Reiterates how scared she is but that she is at peace with it and is giving it to God. Then she asks how am I and what am I doing. I said I'm not ok but I will be and I'm packing. She asks me to get on Skype at this point.

Don't know why but I did and 2 and a half hours later I'm finally getting off with her from our video chat. It's 6pm and I basically got nothing done all day. At one point during the convo she told me she thinks good things about me all the time but then immediately forces herself to snap out of it. Says she knows she needs to sit down for counseling when she gets back and figure out why she can't let go of things I've "done" in the past but at the same time, sees herself being able to be with OM before she can see herself being with me. Says she doesn't know if she can honestly say she respects OM because she hasn't known him long enough but that he's "proven" himself to her. Says there are different kinds of love and her love for him is growing and of course, what would be complete without telling me about everything I've done wrong since 2004? Finally get off when she goes to sleep. I hung out with some friends Saturday night just to get out of the house.

Saturday night I had some really vivid nightmares. I was locked in OM house and could hear him screaming at my wife but I couldn't get to her. Woke up and didn't want to go back to sleep because so much happened in the dream, I was literally scared to fall back into it. Sunday rolled around and I went to my DivorceCare group. A gentleman was there that was going through similar and struggled to open up so I said he could call me afterwards. He said just by talking to me he was able to feel a lot better so it felt good to be able to help someone else.

W messaged me around 3:45pm saying "U ok?" I didn't see the message initially. My phone rings and it's a weird number so I answered it and it's my W. She says she sent me a message but just wanted to know if I was ok. Told her I was and that I was packing. Kinda stressed about finals this week and having to move but I'd be ok. Told her about a couple new job opportunities I'm looking at. She asked how my class went that morning and I told her it was good. Told her I was given a video to watch called "Choosing Wisely: Before You Divorce." I told her I'd leave a copy of it at the house for her if she were interested and she said she was interested.

So all in all, I really don't know how I feel right now. I may have found an apartment that I can get into on Friday. Have a 10 pager I need to knock out by tomorrow and an exam on Wednesday night. Then it's moving on Thursday and Friday and she's supposed to come home on Sunday for about 10 days. Really don't know what to expect and I'm still in this weird funk but I'm working on coming out of it. I went to a comedy show last night with some friends but still found myself thinking about her nonstop.