I just want to echo dbmod's comment above. You might want to consider a db coach.
While us on the board have been through a lot of this and so have the life experience and variety of training, it could very well be that your W has some much deeper issues that she needs to work with.
Has your W talked to your priest / pastor? Or has she considered a therapist / counselor?
If you have the DR book, I'd recommend reading the part on LRT, beginning on p.124.
While LRT can work, there is the chance that NOTHING will change your W's mind.
What we are doing is simply focusing on US, the LBS, and growing through this time in order to rediscover who we are and become even better people with a bright future, even if D happens.
I can say that my sitch has pretty much been here from the moment I found the books and this board. My W had already made up her mind. Her so called "exit strategy" was to try to make things as pleasant as possible, pretending to still be a big, happy family, while in the mean time creating a dynamic within the home which was horribly uncomfortable for me. And when I finally realized how bad things were, my W basically had some plan to "buy me out" of the M with the apparent expectation that I would just cut my losses and move on, without putting up a "fight".
The difference between our sitches is, my W did not want to file D, nor even legally separate... bizarre really, but it appears to come down to the fact that she did not want to free up money to do so and also probably understood that her offer to have me leave, financially comfortable, would not be quite the same conclusion the courts would come to.
My W at this time, is actually trying to convince me to sign off on financials without due diligence so that I have no further recourse down the road. But more so, the sticking point with me is NOT the money, it's the kids... she is unwaivering in her desire to have sole custody of our kids and care of the kids around the 70/30 in her favour. This is absolutely unacceptable.
So it has taken me a long time to work on myself so that I have finally become emotionally stable and strong enough to say, "enough is enough".
In the end, trying to figure out why your W is resolute in her choice to D will drive you crazy. There will likely be no deep understanding of her position.
If you follow the LRT technique, and many here can support you through that, you will at least have the opportunity to fully appreciate your position in all of this, help you become the man you were when you got M, and become a better man that only a fool would leave.
Things like detaching and GAL is basically your best tools for the time being.
