Although it's not an 'open M' - she is not involved with any OM right now and I choose to believe her past interactions were EA only and of course she only saw it as 'friendship'. So for now, let's remove that from the equation.
Right now, we're essentially living as roommates. It's been that way for years. We haven't had sex in just over 15 months and probably only twice total in the last 24 months. That's the situation she seems to feel 'ok' about and could go on indefinitely, but fears it's not fair to her because she is 'not happy' and feels the kids need to see 'happy parents'.
I'm listening to 'The Road Less Traveled' right now. In the middle of Ch. 2 it talks about the difference between 'romantic love' and 'mature love'. She has no understanding of the difference. Feels that because there's no 'romantic love' present that things should end - that and because of all the resentment she's built up over my years of fight-or-flight responses.
Just wanted to set a little more context. That along with the fact that she does NOT want to be the bad guy in this. That's why when I told her to 'Just go.' She said 'OK', then immediately said 'What? With the kids?' And I said, "Well, I'm not the one breaking up this family." She did NOT like that one bit - immediately blaming me for all the hurt and resentment in her that has built up over the years.
I see now how my role in our dynamic led to our issues. She doesn't see or accept that she plays ANY role in the 'dynamic' - it's all on me. I WISH she would be willing to work on things as I feel we can get through this. She's even said on a few occasions regarding me touching her that she's "just not ready for that yet." And hearing YET to me sounds like there's hope.
With that context - is making a statement like, "I cannot go indefinitely living as roommates, and will have to make some decisions" - something I could/should do?
Me-44, W-38 S12, D10 --- EA: 3/20/11 Bomb: 3/25/11 "I'm waiting til June to 'do something'" statement from W: 4/26/11 Still in same house, in same bed
