I am taking the advice from the people on here and taking time to figure out what it is that I want, and what I need.
Denver's post about letting go really spoke to me, and it's made me realize that I need to do this also.
I'm also making the decision to not discuss this with my friends anymore. They love me and care for me, and tell me they will support me in anything I decide to do, but I'm quite tired of hearing what a POS they think my H is. I've tried to explain that if he was just a boyfriend, it would be different. But this is my H, and despite everything that has happened in these past 5 months if any of it can be salvaged, then I want to at least give it a chance.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
DG - I'm also looking forward to the point where I look back at this time as just a bad memory - whatever happens with my H, I know I'll get there. It just takes so long!
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
DG you sound like you are in a great place today! I am so glad to hear it. I agree that you should take some time right now and not make any big decisions. Keep doing what you are doing and you will just get stronger and stronger. What beach are you by? I need a beach day with my girls too! Sounds perfect
The place we go is actually a county park with a man made beach, which means no fish. I hate swimming with fish! It was exactly what I needed.
I am in a pretty good place today. I realize I have choices in this.
I could choose to wallow in self pity and be depressed and feel hopeless, or I can choose to live my life and know in my heart that when love finds me, it will find me. I was someone before my H, and I am somebody without him too.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I could choose to wallow in self pity and be depressed and feel hopeless, or I can choose to live my life and know in my heart that when love finds me, it will find me. I was someone before my H, and I am somebody without him too.
Very cool DG
Very cool
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
This morning I feel like I'm standing in line for an emotional rollercoaster.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've been asking God for guidance of what I am supposed to do, and either I can't hear Him or He isn't speaking.
The rule of thumb is one month for every year of marriage. Well, it's been 5 months and I'm still not any closer to my H. If anything, I'm further apart.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
You might be aware of the rule of thumb, but your H obviously isn't. He's made his choice to walk his path. It's going to be a difficult, rocky path but he's oblivious to that.
You, however, are making your path smoother every day, and that is what is important right now. God is guiding your steps (OK, that sounds pretty cliche, but it's accurate) and helping you grow out of this mess and into a new dg.
We both know, deep down, that the chances of our spouses coming back to us are very slim. Too much damage has been done, I think, and even if they came to us today begging for an R, I wonder how willing we would be to grant it.
Let's agree to drop our ropes and move forward without looking back.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
