I'm in a very different place than I ever thought possible. I'm detached for sure. I have no desire to talk to H, and don't answer the phone when he calls.
I guess I just got tired of his games and don't want to play anymore. He calls me now. He knows I'm moving on. I had plans for both Friday and Saturday nights, and he was sure to ask me about both when he saw me at D's house Sunday.
He also clled last night at 9 because he knew I was going to a movie with a friend and when I saw it was him on caller ID I didn't answer but my S did.
He had just left my son a half hr before. I know he was just checking to see if I was home. I think he's worried about what I'm doing.
It doesn't exactly break my heart after he's lied and strung me on for over two yrs. I'm done. He'd have to make a change so huge that I'm not sure he's capable. Rachael
I'm in a very different place than I ever thought possible. I'm detached for sure. I have no desire to talk to H, and don't answer the phone when he calls.
I guess I just got tired of his games and don't want to play anymore. He calls me now. He knows I'm moving on. I had plans for both Friday and Saturday nights, and he was sure to ask me about both when he saw me at D's house Sunday.
He also clled last night at 9 because he knew I was going to a movie with a friend and when I saw it was him on caller ID I didn't answer but my S did.
He had just left my son a half hr before. I know he was just checking to see if I was home. I think he's worried about what I'm doing.
It doesn't exactly break my heart after he's lied and strung me on for over two yrs. I'm done. He'd have to make a change so huge that I'm not sure he's capable. Rachael
LL, There won't be a problem with that because I'm not taking him back unless he makes some MAJOR changes. I'm not about to go back into that R with him the way he was. Somehow he'd have to make me trust him and I'm not sure he could do that. He certainly has not gone out of his way to do it so far.
I'm not living in fear that he still talks to her. It's much easier to just rmove myself from the whole sitchuation and then I don't worry what he'd doing.
It's very freeing and I'm feeling better now than I have since this all started.
I know he's wondering what's up.
Too bad. I've been wondering for 2 yrs. Its his turn. Rachael
LL, Explain the difference please. If you mean be nice, I am. But....I am not contacting him or showing ANY desire to be with him. Is that wrong? I really don't want to be with him. I'm so SICK of the dance! Rachael
I meant be nice is all. You just sounded a tad bullish in your post and I wanted to make sure your detachment is not based in anger or a tit for tat cause that wont get you anywhere even personaly.
No, I'm just indifferent. At this point I just don't care. Like I said, even if I found out he was seeing the OW I would not react. Since I've not believed him that he's not anyway, it would not be a surprise and it would just serve to make me detach more.
I'm just worn out from all this. I need a mental break. My mind has just gone into shutdown mode. I have an "I don't give a damn" attitude.
It's a helluva lot better than living in constant anxiety worrying about what he's doing and trying to make him want me.
I'll never go back there LL. It's no place to be, and my worn emotions can't take anymore. Rachael
LL..I understand how Rachel is feeling and understand your point, too. I was where Rachel is and am getting to where you are now...but it takes time. I am still detached with an I don't give a damn attitude because although I am no longer angry...I am still hurt. Fresh wounds smart. We all know that. Yes, it is better to be detached with love...but it is difficult...remember? YOU are doing a great job and I am inspired by you....but I don't know if I can take much more from my H...abuse is abuse is abuse. Leaving someone two days after Christmas without warning...lying and saying it's just for a week when it's for a month at the very least and part of it is an extended vacation with a thousand dollars cash when he's left me with only 200 dollars cash...well, it's HARD to detach with love ....I myself am in self protect mode...am getting storage unit boxing up my important personal items and have gone dark on him other than a few emails...changed phone number and passworded it so even though he is on bill he can't even get the number here...he wants time away...he can have it...and so can I without being called names or intimidated ...and I am going out now and then again with friends who know I can't drink to bars....safe friends who support me not drinking but still having fun....and it's been great for my self esteem...getting hit on and saying no thanks...cash flow is extremely low..but not drinking I am a cheap date for myself....most places don't charge for soda or coffee...especially if they think you are the designated driver....LOL...
Whoops...hijacked your thread...sorry! BACK to you...YOU are doing a great job..keep your PMA up and keep doing what you need to do and don't do a thing more...you're right some things you can't stop doing..but you don't always have to answer the phone and you don't always have to be available for conversation or play time for him...you have the right to detach with love....I hope I can get to that place before it is really too late...but I fear it is already too late for me and my H....hugs...Akgal...know you are in my prayers...I wish you everything you truly desire....you get my award for DETACHES WITH LOVE DB'er of the DAY
Angel, I think it's ok to be where we are. I sometimes have pangs of hurt, and think back to all he's done and I ask myself why on God's green earth would I even want the guy?
I mean there's nothing really good to say about him right now. When we were having dinner at my D's last night the news was on and they were talking about a massage parlor that they shut down for prostitution and my SIL jokingly said, SO, (MY HUSBAND'S NAME), where are you going to go now? It was very quiet and I just kinda looked at my SIL and rolled my eyes back in my head and then he realized what he said was not in very good taste considering my H past. He sadi he was sorry and that he should not have said that and my H had the nerve to make a snotty comment about me, saying "it doesn't matter what you say around her." I didn't say ANYTHING! He just saw my expression and did not like it. Well, TOO BAD!
I completely ignored him and what he said and kept having a great time with my grandkids and my H was quiet and mad the rest of the evening so as soon as I helped do the dishes, I said I was tired and going home.
I said goodbye to every one and my H said goodbye in a nasty tone. This is what he does best. He does not take ANY responsibility for his actions, and gets mad and blames me when things get tense.
I used to get all upset and worried and call him and try to get him not to be mad at me. Now I say, "Screw him!" I could care less what he thinks, and I'm SURE not taking responsibility for his feelings ANYMORE.
He holds grudges for a long time, but he will be surprised when he realizes I DON'T CARE! I'm NOT going to try to "FIX" it or him.
He can stay mad, I don't give a flying fig anymore! Rachael
