KD, they are pics mostly of her side of the family, but it still feels like being surgically removed from everyone.
a girl, thanks for the hugs and kind words.
I'm in upstate NY this coming weekend while she moves the big furniture out, so I get to come home to a near-empty house.
It all seems so unreal. We had such plans for the future...or so it seemed.
She did tell me she is very confused and conflicted about this; doesn't know if she's doing the right thing, can she afford it, how will it affect SS21 (very badly, I fear). But I know she has to do this to put space between us and deal with her own demons.
I'm leaving the road home paved smooth. I'll just be glad when a few weeks have passed and I can get into a new rhythm of living.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
She did tell me she is very confused and conflicted about this; doesn't know if she's doing the right thing, can she afford it, how will it affect SS21 (very badly, I fear). But I know she has to do this to put space between us and deal with her own demons.
I heard similar things from my W before she moved out, although she was convinced she was doing the right thing. I'm afraid it will adversely affect SS21, but she's probably convinced herself this is somehow better for him.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
I'm leaving the road home paved smooth. I'll just be glad when a few weeks have passed and I can get into a new rhythm of living.
Sounds like a good plan. Work on making the home yours. Hopefully she will get the opportunity to miss you after she's moved.
Yesterday W and I discussed division of property. It was very amicable & she is taking less than half of the furniture, so I don't need to refinance the house to re-furnish it. Came around to discussing the Christmas items. I told her to take anything since I probably would not put a tree up this year. She gave me a "Why?" look, and I started to tear up; looked away so she couldn't see but it was pretty obvious. She came over, gave me a tight hug and we both lost it. Stood there hugging and weeping for what seemed like forever.
She seems to be more stressed about following through with her "plan" than I am.
We agreed to not pursue a divorce, and let the separation be nothing more than that. We also agreed to not pursue other relationships. Whether she ramps up her long-distance relationship with the OM or not is out of my control, but I think she is so emotionally drained that, like me, she is going to work on getting herself right. We even joked about dating each other again, which in my mind could be fun.
Since she told me she is moving out, we have been nicer to each other and more relaxed around each other than we have been since March. I've started to mentally change things in the house just to get some sense of control.
I am realizing that I will be better than OK with this.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
She seems to be more stressed about following through with her "plan" than I am.
Kind of interesting, isn't it? My W was the same way.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
We agreed to not pursue a divorce, and let the separation be nothing more than that. We also agreed to not pursue other relationships. Whether she ramps up her long-distance relationship with the OM or not is out of my control, but I think she is so emotionally drained that, like me, she is going to work on getting herself right. We even joked about dating each other again, which in my mind could be fun.
It looks like there's some positives in there. I would say the pursuit of other relationships on her part witht a grain of salt, and I believe you are. Hopefully she will work on getting herself right.
I'd like to think there are some positives, jb, but no, I'm not going to put a lot of stock into her promise to walk the straight-and-narrow while we are separated, especially when she has now informed me that OM may be moving from Colorado to back east.
But it is what it is, and I'm not going to dwell on "what-ifs".
Bought a new bed and bedroom set today. W had questioned my desire to do that when we were talking about the division of property. She thought I would be perfectly OK staying in my son's bedroom and sleeping in his twin bed. Sorry, dear...I'm not going to live like a college student again just because you are chasing your selfish needs.
Getting my own things is empowering. I'm looking forward to making the house mine. Next step - the man-sized TV with a bitchin' sound system (since she's taking the one we have now...).
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
I'd like to think there are some positives, jb, but no, I'm not going to put a lot of stock into her promise to walk the straight-and-narrow while we are separated, especially when she has now informed me that OM may be moving from Colorado to back east.
I knew you were smarter than that.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
Bought a new bed and bedroom set today. W had questioned my desire to do that when we were talking about the division of property. She thought I would be perfectly OK staying in my son's bedroom and sleeping in his twin bed. Sorry, dear...I'm not going to live like a college student again just because you are chasing your selfish needs.
Love it. LOVE it!
Originally Posted By: Telemark
Getting my own things is empowering. I'm looking forward to making the house mine. Next step - the man-sized TV with a bitchin' sound system (since she's taking the one we have now...).
Sweet! If we were on FB right now, it would say jbnati "likes" this!
I think you have the right idea and the right attitude. I know it feels good because I went through the same thing. It is liberating.
