I am doing well Sunny. And for some arcane reasons there is a car in Cleveland but they couldn't do a dealer trade here, so that's where my road trip is Sunday morning (odd for a dealership to be open Sunday, but it works for me).
W sent me an unsolicited "good luck and have fun tomorrow" email for my race tomorrow (Warrior Dash). Replied "Thanks, should be a blast". I think I'm going to read everything into it and plan on us getting back together based on this exchange.
Long fun weekend ahead, better rest up tonight.
...and if I didn't have the kids, a little convertible would be right up my alley Sunny. Maybe *I'm* the one having an MLC?
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Hey GAL, mean to respond to your thread, but it just hit me how utterly exhausted I am. To answer your questions: 1) temporary insanity 2) yes, I drove to Cleveland and back today (about 3 1/2 hours each way in another state). Great weather, but between that, not enough sleep and running twice yesterday (my race and also afterwards, again temporary insanity) I'm ready to go to bed and it isn't even 7pm!
I *think* my thought process was that since W was so angry, presumably due to my NC, but in hindsight she never mentioned why that I would open the door for her just a little. I don't want to say I regret the decision, but if I could do last week over I wouldn't have done it.
For the moment, my thought is that I don't want a D, but I'm not opposed to it. She really isn't a part of my life now, and she isn't showing any actions that would indicate she's willing to work on that.
I ran the race yesterday with a female friend that used to be pretty close to W. W used to be jealous of her, as I developed a crush on her around when everything started going to hell. I don't have a crush on her now, just a female friend. Anyhow, we had a great time and there are plenty of pics of us afterward just coated in mud and junk. Of course, they're online, but that's fine. Had both M and F friends say how good we looked (not in a together sense) so I think my working out is working. Friend told me that last year when they went on a trip (before the bomb) that W was super mad at me about something, but she never found out what. Friend told me who might know, but I thought to myself why rehash the past. Can't change anything so I don't think it's worth even pursuing.
OK, that last paragraph was a jumbled mess. Tired, yes siree! I'll post more once I'm coherent again.
Oh, one last thing... I think all my friends and family know I was car shopping *except* W. Guess I'll have to let her know sometime before the title gets mailed to the house
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Not much to report today. Didn't get the apartment (boooo), but in some ways maybe this is good. If I had gotten it, I'd have had to move my stuff out of the house sometime this month (or at least felt that I had to). It almost felt like I was pressuring *myself* to make a decision to move on. Now, I get to live in that limbo a little longer:)
W sent a little message saying 'looks like a great time' in response to my race this weekend. First unsolicited, chat like email in who knows how long. Didn't seem like a reply was needed so none given. Wondering if W was looking at the pics on friends FB page; couldn't have seen them on mine, as she hasn't accepted my friend request
Busy busy week ahead, already looking forward to weekend so that I can *maybe* relax. In all honesty, that should have been one of my 180s, as I'm rarely able to just relax. Paradoxically, the more I work on relaxing, the less relaxing it is!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Female friend who ran the race with me sent pics, but asked me not to post them as bf is mad at her for running with me. I had developed a crush on her last year when everything started going to hell. I mentioned NMMNG and her bf, hoping she'd see things from his standpoint:
me: Like me, he's probably one of those 'nice guys' that tries to please others without making sure he is taken care of himself. We often have unsaid expectations, which since we don't tell people about them, can't be met. You can't win under those circumstances, which is more on him than you. I know I've done the same to W . The only way to 'win' is out of your hands; the 'nice guy' has to explicitly make his wants and needs known and quit having expectations when nothing was ever mentioned about them.
The way I used to feel about you also doesn't help his feelings I guarantee W wouldn't like the pictures (as innocent as we both know they are) and under the same circumstances I wouldn't like pics of W with someone else.
her: I do get where bf is coming from, but I'm also annoyed that he's using it as an excuse to not race with me next year. Whatev - I'm not going to let it stop me from having a blast (again)!
I think W needs to know that you are sooo much better of now that you've gotten some space from her. She's totally headed in the wrong direction and a wake-up call would be good for her! I may have to wander by her desk later on today ;-)
me: Pretty sure W knows I'm doing well. She has her own demons to work on, I hope for her own sake that she can. If she can figure out her life, wants me back in it and I'm available, guess we'll see. If not, I'll be a great catch for someone else! :-)
her: Good attitude about W - no matter what she ends up doing I'm sure you'll end up just fine =)
Sent W an email yesterday saying I got a car and to watch for the title and insurance. W sent a response back after work congratulating me and saying she'd keep her eyes out for it. Also told me she found something addressed to S14 while cleaning her office, and then added the random comment "I am suppose to be playing volleyball tonight despite the flash flood and heavy rain warnings. Hopefully I won't float away."
Before going to bed, I sent a picture of piglet standing on a chair, bailing out water with the caption "Just stand on a chair if the water gets too high" (W is pretty small). It's the kind of thing I'd have done for any of my smaller friends making a similar comment...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Pretty sure W knows I'm doing well. She has her own demons to work on, I hope for her own sake that she can. If she can figure out her life, wants me back in it and I'm available, guess we'll see. If not, I'll be a great catch for someone else! :-)
As they they over here, in a certain regional accent......
I like that I does...........
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
We have a rotating group of people that meet up at a rotating group of bars on Wednesdays. I was the first one there and W was second. Hadn't been out with her socially in weeks. She had a new shirt that looked great on her, but the funny thing was that she had her capri pants inside out. She went to the bathroom to fix herself and we both had a good laugh over it.
A few other people showed up, including OM who sat between us. We had pleasantries while eating and having beer from the brewpub. All in all conversations were good with everyone, nothing uncomfortable.
At one point, another friend brought up a trip to New Orleans that W was organizing for Halloween. I had no idea about it. After they talked for a few minutes, W told me that they were going on this trip. Told her I figured that out, with a smile on my face. She then said she didn't invite me because I wasn't talking to her then. I just kind of smiled and shrugged.
We had an 'incident' last Halloween, so I think that was a convenient excuse for her. Still, it hurt. There have been a few other examples of my group of friends doing things together without inviting me where I found out after the fact. For as much as some of my friends say they don't like how W is treating me, they still don't mind doing social things with her and/or OM.
The part that hurts me the most is that we had all these shared experiences together, and now we're both going our separate ways. We both brought up various things we've done together, either alone or with family. I still do things with the rest of W's family, as they still feel I'm part of the family now. Everyone but W.
Last time I saw W, I think she was angry at the world. Tonight, we were both pleasant and upbeat and I don't think it was much of an act for either of us. I just don't know what I should be doing now, reaching out, retreating, giving up, holding on to hope, who knows?
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Tomorrow will be better I bet