Need Encouragement

[InAPickle]

Kids go back to school in a couple of weeks.
This summer just flew by.

Not much to report.
XW maybe an inch closer to being "friendly" if you can call it that. She actually speaks on occasion. Still no job.

We have somewhat of a role reversal: Now she frets about money, I don't even bring it up.

She got the family car in our settlement, 'cause I drive a company perk, gas, insurance, repairs, the whole bit paid by the company. She indicated a bit of jealousy about that.

Tired of sharing the family car with D17, she got herself a used one using some of her proceeds. Complained that she has to insure both, has been ferrying the kids around all summer, $300 for another registration, gas etc etc. Wants me to give D17 gas money - I say okay fine and that's that.

She didn't have to buy herself another car. I was willing to go halfsies with her on a clunker for D17, and in fact we spent many days looking at auto treader etc with just that intention. So now I don't have to spend a penny, except gas.

Apparently the OM in OH is into baseball. Now she watches Reds games and listens on her I-phone. Funny, in eighteen years of marriage, she had no interest whatsoever in MLB. Seems to me like going whichever way the wind blows.

What is a malcontent? Is it someone who is not content? That's XW. Bucket lists are for people who think they're missing out on something, people who envy others' fun. On the bright side there's an indicator in baseball, when the interest wanes, I'll know something's up, won't I? 'Cause it won't fill the void.

I walk a tightrope and God knows it. Every time I pray to get me through this time and bring me to the other side, the message I get from Him is, "Pity. Don't hate." And He's right. I find it difficult to pity the cause of so much damage in so many areas. So pray for me on this arduous journey. I'm not in love anymore and I don't want to be.