Can my relationship be saved?

[a girl]

I'm being careful, no worries. My primary concern, as is his, is our children.

I'm actually beyond caring what H does, except as it relates to our son.

If you're worried we'll rebound with each other, I can understand that, but please don't be - my husband may think that telling me it's over means that sleeping with her didn't violate his wedding vows, but I don't have the same opinion.

[paige40]

How is your son?? How did the talk with him go?

[a girl]

He is surprisingly well. He took it sort of .. it's like it didn't make a dent. We'll see how the next week plays out, of course.

He asked to go see H's new house - so they did that, he liked it. He was seriously not at all sad when it was time for H to leave - he had to be reminded to give him a hug.

This morning we arranged for H to pick him up at 10am, so he asked if he could wait to eat breakfast and eat it with dad, which I said was fine.

But there was no crying, nothing. He slept in the bed with me last night, but he always looks for excuses to do that, so it doesn't mean a lot.

I asked him a couple times if he was having feelings he wanted to talk about - he said, "No, hon, I'm fine. Can I have a healthy brownie?"

So, I don't know. We'll see how the week goes.

[a girl]

Having a hard time tonight. Thoughts and emotions all over the place.

[Forrest Gump]

Why? Talk about it.

[a girl]

I'm trying very hard not to have any hopes or expectations - live in the reality I'm in.

At the same time, I do talk with OWH occasionally.

He told me today that before flying to Vegas to help my H break our marriage vows, OW was "100% certain" that she was in love with H - he was her soul mate.

Today, OW told her H that she's "just not sure how she feels" and "she's not sure she loves him" and that she doesn't want to seek a divorce from him right now.

It puts me in a stew. Will she end things with my H? Then what?

It's non-productive, but I can't always stop my mind from going down various paths and examining different scenarios.

Maddening.

[JustStunned]

AG, Forrest is right to caution speaking with OWH. It is playing with fire. It is up to you, but please note the sharp corners down that path, rebounding is just one of them, getting sucked into their drama is another.

Don’t put to much stock in what she tells her H. She’s a WAS believe none of what she says particularly to him. If she ends the affair what then? Then nothing. So she ends the affair. It’ll affect your H and what is next for him is up to him.

Put your energy into you, into your son, work on being solidly grounded so you will be prepared for what is next. Please don’t get wrapped around the axle spending energy on what if scenarios. I have done so far to many times and wasted a lot of energy on nothing. I am not saying don’t plan. I am saying don’t spend all your energy planning.

[a girl]

Thanks, JS. I'm actually getting much better every day - weekends are the hardest, though, and since I was off yesterday, it's like a long weekend. Used to love them, but now work helps keep me sane.

[Forrest Gump]

"I'm trying very hard not to have any hopes or expectations - live in the reality I'm in."

So.. what you are saying is that you have no hopes.. or expectations?

This does not seem like a good place to be.

What do you hope for?

What if I told you that you could not have the marriage you want?

"He told me today that before flying to Vegas to help my H break our marriage vows, OW was "100% certain" that she was in love with H - he was her soul mate.

Today, OW told her H that she's "just not sure how she feels" and "she's not sure she loves him" and that she doesn't want to seek a divorce from him right now."

So.. you like the Drama? I "see" you running in to get some.

Does it make you feel safe?

"It's non-productive, but I can't always stop my mind from going down various paths and examining different scenarios."

You can stop your mind. You are just not "focusing" on the right things.

I am 100% sure that I have told you to prepare. I will assure you that in preparing you will not be talking to OWH. It is just dirt.. and the more you roll in it.. the more dirty you will get.

[a girl]

You know, you're right - talking to OWH is bad for me, and it also shows I do have hope.

I hope she'll end it with my H, and I guess I hope if she does, there's a chance he'll want to work on things.

But I don't have any expectations. And I can't control it. So no more talking to OWH. Thanks for the wakeup call.

Can you elaborate on the "prepare" concept? I'm already working on GAL (plans with friends the nights I don't have S7, trying out for a local chorus, yoga, lots of reading - which sounds boring but I love and never had time for), I've gone fairly dark with H (topic for a journal post), and I'm getting my ducks in order for possible filing for D (parenting plan, etc).