Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

Thank you TAMF for dropping by.

Yes, he is still broken, but at least its not too crazy anymore. And I think its because I have really learned not to react too much.

I have a few days of peace and quiet as he is out of the country for a week on business. He hasn't called yet, its been two days, but has emailed me a couple of times, with short cheerful messages. I have been cleaning the house this weekend, suddenly realizing that last year I did not do a general cleaning at all due to my depression and our house has accumulated so much stuff! I have been throwing away so much - old clothes, shoes, paper, notebooks! D12 and I also are in the process of fixing her room, and H has blessed it and given us a good budget to buy a new bed and a small LCD TV for D12. Plus he also said we should fix up our guestroom, change the floors and have it repainted. Guess he is in this for the long haul, eh? To think we were thinking of selling the house next summer when we were having so much trouble.

He was nice before he left. I felt connected to him like I haven't been for the past few weeks the evening before he left - I was helping him pack in our bedroom when D12 came in, wanting a hug from him. He was in the bathroom then but I could see them through the mirror, and it made me smile coz they were so sweet. As they walked back to the room, H looked at me for a long time, and somehow, a loving feeling went through both of us, and he gave me a warm smile. I still feel the glow of that smile!

I get a thought every now and then that maybe he isn't calling me, but maybe he is talking to OW. I push away those kinds of thoughts - what can I do if he is? Again, I just need to sit back and watch how this all plays out. I love H very much, and once in a while I allow myself to think of our good times, our past, what we can have again, and cry a few tears. When I am by myself, I do sometimes get back the resentment and anger, and the impatience, and once in a while feel like giving up, like in my post the other day. Good thing I can vent here, or with other frineds. But those times are fewer now.