Loving, Listening, and Letting Go..

[aeolianchaos]

So I wrote W back after 48 hours. Just acknowledged that the conversation was good and I appreciated her candor and directness about issues that affected our marriage.

Briefly addressed the division of 'stuff' aspectof things. I suspect this is foremost in her mind right now, as she is focused on 'taking care of #1' from what I can tell. She doesn't want to come back to the states and have nothing.

Thanked for some food she brought w/ her that was quite good. She is an outstanding cook and I do miss her food. I am good, but it takes me a lot more time to make things.

W wrote back within an hour with a "You're so welcome for... I wanted to make you a big thing of it today." and proceeded to share the recipe w/ me.

The rest of the e-mail is basically dividing stuff up talk.

"I'll make a spreadsheet of everything that we have that I can think of...big and small- and we can just check off who wants what, and whats left to be donated/sold. Hopefully that will make this a little easier to bear.
hope you have a good weekend, W"

It makes me feel sad. Thats okay - I can feel sadness. On one hand, I know I need her to change too. Recommitting herself to her own integrity would be a necessary step towards reconciliation. On the other hand, I miss her a lot and the idea of us leaving each others lives like this seems so completely unnecessary. When Every time she talks about D, its always about how difficult it is, and how hard it is. I don't get it. Does she feel like she "has" to get D to grow up?

When we talked the other day, she talked about how she felt like I needed to be on my own. Pay rent, bills, etc.. take care of myself. I don't get that.. I have paid rent and bills quite a bit this year. I have done so plenty in the past. When we first started living together, I was paying all the rent. I can't tell if this is part of her whole thing of not 'respecting' me because I wasn't working.. I don't know. I could probably drive myself in circles trying to figure it out.

On one hand, the pleasantness factor is up quite a bit. On the other.. hmm.