Wow. now i got offered a 2 bedroom and living room den for $400 with no utilities. plus 50/50 visitation with no support needing to be paid. I really won't be able to afford this apt. i am living in on my own. I am kinda danged if I do and danged if i don't. Dang the temptation!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
She really is trying to bully me out of the apt. Wow this is really starting to anger me that she is trying to cake eating this much and is taking advantage of my financial situation. But I am being pretty calm when texting with her. Trying to keep it short and brief. God please come to my rescue in this hour of temptation!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
$4500?!?!?!? Wow, the cost of living must be crazy there. My lawyer only asked for $250 since it looks like it's going to be uncontested, but said she would need at least $1800 if it was going to turn into an ugly custody battle (it won't).
Good luck to you and I hope you never need to go that route.
M 39 W 41 Married 18 years Together 21 D18 D10 S6 D filed May 16, 2011 Bomb Dropped May 18, 2011 D in process
I have decided to move out in about 1 month when some friends of mine buy a house. They offered to rent the entire lower floor to me at $400 with utilities included and no lease. It would have 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room and a den. We would have to share a kitchen. I can't afford this apartment I currently live in on my own and my W knows it. She has basically given me the ultimatum of moving or she will and will leave me high and dry. Not only that, she said she will seek full custody of my daughter and she had already had been looking at places and has a place picked out. I don't doubt she will do it in the state of mind she is in right now. I figure the best thing for me right now is to move out, we have split custody, and I used the money saved for a lawyer because I think I am going to need it to protect myself.
I told her i want the custody schedule in writing and there was no deviating from it, to which she insisted she gets to see Daughter everyday. I told her tough but she may take me to court anyway. I told her that in no uncertain terms can she have OM (s) stay the night when child is in her care, to which she scowled, growled, and told me she didn't care it I had "friends" over. I told her nevertheless if I find out about OM being over it would not be good for her. (I would probably file and seek full custody.. apparently that would be the grounds to get it.) I want daughter to be in both our lives but do not want to subject her to her Mom's affair. Finally i said that if she wanted me to care for daughter over the split custody arrangement, i would be more than happy to oblige, but she is gonna start paying me for child support as then it is not split custody. She growled again.
I lost my cool earlier today when she pressed me about moving and got into R talk. I did a lot of blaming/yelling basically going down the cheeseless tunnel. She figures she is doing me a great favor by helping find this apt. and packing up for me.
When we were talking about the scheduling of custody she seemed ticked that I was now manuvering my schedule more to take care of child, but I apparently would not do that for her. I jumped on that and appologized for that mistake and told her that no matter what happens with us I will never make that mistake again with anyone else as this has been a complete wakeup call. She seemed to soften just a little after that.
Today she put on her replacement ring (wedding ring is too big right now for her), which is nice, but I am not getting sucked in. just nice to notice. It is a weekend so she might be using it to chase away scuzbags at the bar.... or attract them. Anyway it doesn't matter. i have officially given up on this relationship and i am working on me. Maybe a new relationship will flourish maybe it won't. Frankly at this moment of frustration I almost don't give a dang.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Shell, I'm sorry you've come to this point. It appears your W is at the point of being completely selfish and trying to push your buttons so it's natural for you to have these reactions. It's interesting that she seems to be equating the kids with power or so it would seem.
My W and I made the decision early on in this that we would each be able to see the kids every day. When I agreed to that I thought she would be taking the kids and I couldn't stand the thought of seeing them as little as the law provides for. Now, it turns out that I have primary custody and have to put up with seeing her every day when she comes to visit them. As hard as it is, I try to go about my business just like she wasn't here but she always seeks me out. Still, knowing she't batsh*t crazy right now I try to be patient with her and would not try to keep the kids from her or her from them unless she posed a danger to them or, like you said, exposed them to her affair.
M 39 W 41 Married 18 years Together 21 D18 D10 S6 D filed May 16, 2011 Bomb Dropped May 18, 2011 D in process
I was not offended. I think I need to move because it would be the best thing for me and the only way I could afford to live and still take care of my child. I am not worried about the relationship with the W. That ship has sailed. I don't want a relationship with the person she is now and I don't know if she'll ever change so I am focusing on me and my child. When i move out I can totally detatch and go dark. It seems to be a little effective so far. As for my W's access to my child I have rethought the situation and will let her have full access if she wants it, as long as child is safe and she does not interfere with the plans for my life. If she decides after some time that she does not want to go 50/50 with taking care of child, then i will have to be compensated in order to afford to take care of her. As for the A happening with child in the house, i can't control that but if i find out about it and have proof, I can use that in court if i am having to fight for custody (which would take W taking me to court or her royally messing up with child's welfare). It just feels like I am letting W get away without taking any responsibility for her actions. Not wanting revenge, just want some accountability.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
It's funny but i think I have finally detatched. Two nights ago I remember waking up at 4 am. with my wife not being home and having this pain in my heart. Then all of a sudden it was gone, like a huge weight was lifted from my chest. I slept very well from then on. I can see where W's MLC is definately taking a turn for the potentially unsafe and this detatchment is definately necessary at this time. Today she decided that she was going on a "motorcycle bar run" with some guy from work and is going to be gone all day. I have not thought about her all day (except for this post) and have been spending all my time and energy with my 1 yr. old daughter and am absolutely loving it. We have been roughhousing all day and she has learned the words "ball" and "nose" today!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
