Nearly 5 years but who is counting?

[missmyfriend]

Asked is probably too light of a word. I was basically told by my wife to move on.

There was a bday/college bound party at my ex's house for our daughter which I had been invited. I left early with my youngest staying behind (he usually stays with me while my oldest and middle child stay with their mother) after telling him to call me if he wants me to pick him up later.

A couple of hours later, my mil drops him off at my house.

About 15 min later, my w texts me (she rarely calls me) asking if our youngest was depressed because it didn't seem like he wanted to leave. After checking with him, he said he didn't want to stay. He added that he didn't feel comfortable with some of the people there. He wouldnt say who or why.

I texted back to w that he was fine. She responded that someone at the party said I tried to get him to leave with me. My response was that she knows me and knows that I wouldn't do that. She replied that she didn't think I would do that but wanted to check.

This is where it gets weird. She asks me if I told our middle child to say that I love our D and her. After thinking about it, I recalled that I often tell our son to say hi to W and D and to tell D I love her. I explained that to W and she was mad at S for "lying". I told her it was probably my fault for the way I said it, not being as clear as I should have.

For clarification, I do love W but there is no way I would tell her and I especially wouldn't have anyone, let alone our children, pass that message.

Meanwhile, our middle child, texted me all upset because his mom was upset with him for lying. I told him that it isn't his fault (I had already texted his mom to not be upset with him) since I was probably not clear.

Then things get worse. W sends a text that I didn't deny about loving her and that it is obvious to everyone (she didn't state who is "everyone") and that our kids want me to move on.

I restated that I didn't tell anyone to say that I love you. She sent back that it doesn't matter, that it is upsetting the kids that I haven't moved on.

I didn't bother responding.

While I know that some people on this board and some friends and family have suggested the same thing (meaning I should date) and I respect their opinion, I firmly believe that she exhibits MLC characteristics and know it can take a long time for her to go through her journey. Plus, she is in a relationship where I know the other person has shown they are threatened (marks their territory).

I promise that when I am around my W and others she knows, I am amiable but I do not act as though we are married, have been married, love her or any other action or words. My W loves and likes my mother. My mom has been with us on the last several get-togethers. The reason this is important is that my mom keeps me honest and will tell me if I am doing anything that would be anti-DBing.

My mom was completely shocked. She noticed that my Ws significant other was making sure my W and I were never around each other.

An oddity that my mom noticed was that when my mom and I were leaving, my W outstretched her arms which extended to me as if she was going to hug both of us. I had started to move toward our D to give her a hug so it didnt happen. W hugged my mom. I dont know how it could have been a habit as W and I have been separated for nearly five years. My mom talked to me about it on the way back to my place utterly surprised as I was.

Sorry to jump around like that.

Something else had happened earlier, when we first got there. W was outside, grilling, and I went out there to ask her if I should bring in Ds gift from grandma or wait. The gift was very large. I'm barely out there when Ws significant other comes outside to ask if she needs help adding "babe" to the question. Why worried? Ive never acted as we are married or been threatening. During our Ds grad party a couple of months ago, we had even been having pleasant conversations for hours.

While I felt crappy about all the above, my mom said that she sees things very differently. She said that my Ws reactions were over reaching. My mom often says "things arent always the way they appear". My mom recommended that I not worry that this was a bad thing.