Waiting to PIECE. No PEACE when waiting

[ninelives]

So the next morning felt right from my perspective. Im sure her head is spinning in light of what she has just gone through. Now she wakes up in her old bed with her husband beside her. Does she want to run or does this feel right? Only she knows and then does she really.

We lay there for awhile, then i realize that is what we always did, I wake up early and she would sleep in and i would wait for her in hopes of getting some action. So i thought i would change it up,instead, I took the dog and went for a run. It felt good and she was still there when i got back. She wanted coffee and i dont drink it so there wasnt any in the house. I asked her if she wanted some downtown and she said that was an imposition. I said, W, one thing you told me lately is that you didnt feel special, well me going downtown for 5 minutes is nothing. I want to do this, what type to you want.

I did and was back in ten. Really no big deal and it felt great doing LITTLE things for her. I got myself packed and ready to go down south with the boys. We just hung out and we went downstairs and she loved the new floor i put in. She asked if I should get new couches and i told her i could not afford that right now but would in the future. She said she wanted to buy them for me. I refused and she insisted. To me, that is a little hint that she wants to come back. She would not buy me couches for nothing. We talked about how WE would finish the basement etc...

She left and came back with clothes for the kids to pack for our trip to see my parents. While she was in youngest sons room packing, i received some more bad news about my dad having more strokes. I was upset, she asked what was wrong and i said, Ill tell you, I shut the door harder than i intended and looked agitated according to her. I approached her and she cowered and had this look of absolute fear in her face that made me angry bedcause I knew that she thought i was going to hit her in light of how she was just beaten up by her exboyfriend.

I held her and kissed her forehead and told her that I would never hurt her that i would sooner slit my own throat than hurt her. ( poor choice of words i know). She held me while we just sat for awhile. I really felt this loathing for her ex. He has terrorized her. Im glad she felt safe in my arms.

We were going to catch the early ferry but i decided to get a later one in order to spend more time with her. She appreciated that as she did not want us to go but understood that i needed to be there for my parents.

When we did go, she was sad to see us go but she also knew that she had a bunch of nightshifts next week so that there was no point in the kids staying behind and for her to come along.

When we were at the ferry , she texted me a nice message and sent her regrets that she couldnt accompany us.

We got there monday night of July 25. She was texting me often and all positive things.

On Tuesday, she was not as positive and was a little cold. She attributed that to being depressed for her upcoming night shifts and missed us.

She did text me at night about how she wished her ex dead and went into detail how he abused her that night and that she wished he would feel a similar fate. One thing that i was not aware of was that he kneed her in the stomach when she was down and that she lost bladder control and voided her urine because she was so scared. Again this made me angry that he would do such a thing to my angel but I am keeping these emotions under wraps. she talked about us moving away from that small town as she feels she can no longer live there, and I told her all things were possible but to be patient. We cant make rash decision s like that right now.

In the meantime,my parents are very ill. My dad has reverted to child like behaviour and was very nasty to me when I came to see him. Blamed me for the way the nurses treat him and told me to shove my education up my arse. I remanined calm, told him i would return when he would be civil. So i went down a flight to visit my mom on the third floor is waaaaay nicer. I know the stroke has made my dad ornery but he was always a little like that anyway.

I talked at length with my mom about accepting my wife again if we R and she said she would eventually. Long story.

Took my kids later to Toronto to a science center. Had fun and educational. |I was actually selected as a member of the audience to participate in a CSI production and I was a suspect with a wig and hawaiin shirt and a spicolli type demeanor from fast times at ridgemount high. It was fun and both my boys got a huge kick out of it.

I then swung by to pick up my uncle , went back to Woodstock Ont where my dad is and visited some more. He was nice this time and i got him a pizza.

W was not answering text or phone, I was worried about her and kept calling her number and my number as i told her she could stay at my place as it was cooler temp wise and to use the pool when she felt like it.

anyway, i could not get a hold of her unitl about 9 am . I sensed that she was not doing well and she said she had a really rough night. She took more pills than normal and was reall out of it so she didnt hear the phone.

We talked a long time in the morning and she said she really needed me to help her and was very down. missed the kids and wanted to be with us.

Report more later. just having trouble staying focussed on this story. its seems tiring to journal this.

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