I have decided to move out in about 1 month when some friends of mine buy a house. They offered to rent the entire lower floor to me at $400 with utilities included and no lease. It would have 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room and a den. We would have to share a kitchen. I can't afford this apartment I currently live in on my own and my W knows it. She has basically given me the ultimatum of moving or she will and will leave me high and dry. Not only that, she said she will seek full custody of my daughter and she had already had been looking at places and has a place picked out. I don't doubt she will do it in the state of mind she is in right now. I figure the best thing for me right now is to move out, we have split custody, and I used the money saved for a lawyer because I think I am going to need it to protect myself.
I told her i want the custody schedule in writing and there was no deviating from it, to which she insisted she gets to see Daughter everyday. I told her tough but she may take me to court anyway. I told her that in no uncertain terms can she have OM (s) stay the night when child is in her care, to which she scowled, growled, and told me she didn't care it I had "friends" over. I told her nevertheless if I find out about OM being over it would not be good for her. (I would probably file and seek full custody.. apparently that would be the grounds to get it.) I want daughter to be in both our lives but do not want to subject her to her Mom's affair. Finally i said that if she wanted me to care for daughter over the split custody arrangement, i would be more than happy to oblige, but she is gonna start paying me for child support as then it is not split custody. She growled again.
I lost my cool earlier today when she pressed me about moving and got into R talk. I did a lot of blaming/yelling basically going down the cheeseless tunnel. She figures she is doing me a great favor by helping find this apt. and packing up for me.
When we were talking about the scheduling of custody she seemed ticked that I was now manuvering my schedule more to take care of child, but I apparently would not do that for her. I jumped on that and appologized for that mistake and told her that no matter what happens with us I will never make that mistake again with anyone else as this has been a complete wakeup call. She seemed to soften just a little after that.
Today she put on her replacement ring (wedding ring is too big right now for her), which is nice, but I am not getting sucked in. just nice to notice. It is a weekend so she might be using it to chase away scuzbags at the bar.... or attract them. Anyway it doesn't matter. i have officially given up on this relationship and i am working on me. Maybe a new relationship will flourish maybe it won't. Frankly at this moment of frustration I almost don't give a dang.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
