Or do you carry on to your city. Enjoy it. Let the mountains be for the meantime and just enjoy your city.
I am enjoying my city for the most part, as you put it, and I'm not unhappy in the main. Lonely often especially at night, but not unhappy.
Quote:
You're closer to the mountains.
Feeling I should change my destination though CS. Perhaps the beach is just as good if not better.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Yes I thought you might recognise the hole in your analogy. However, it's true. I'm seriously considering forgetting my M and my H as much as I can and finding someone else to share my life with. I have no desire to remain celibate and alone on the slim hope he'll return. I deserve better than that.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Emotionally I am up and down but as each day passes, there are more ups than downs. I care less and less, and think less and less about STBX. The emotional connection I once felt between is pretty much gone. The affectionate, married love I felt for him is dying by increments. I'm getting to the point where when I see him I feel no spark, no affinity. He's like some old high school classmate I once knew and have little in common with. Lately when I hear his voice half the time I'm repelled, and I don't want to talk to him. What's the point? He doesn't give a hoot about my life or me, he's only interested in our kids.
I am in the best shape physically that I can be. I try to live in the now as much as I can. I've dropped my expectations where STBX and people in general are concerned. I have given up most of my controlling behaviours. I am a better listener. I am the least stressed I have been in my entire life, God's honest truth.
I have work. I have my children full time.
I have friends and do go out quite a bit, and when I'm not out I'm working on me, working on my "stuff" and doing the best to figure out what my dreams are and how to fulfill them without STBX in them.
I'm not doing anything to push divorce foward it would hurt me, and there is no going back to what was.
What am I looking for you ask? In life? Or in a relationship?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Feel depressed today, been fighting a headache since I woke up. Did my best to keep busy. Started to read Kevin Lehman's "Have a New You by Friday", I hope it has some stuff in there for me to use/work with. Finished "Monday" yesterday, so I should be done the book by the long weekend. New me by Aug 2 perhaps?
STBX was scheduled to pick up the kids again this evening. All that kept going through my mind before his scheduled pick up was " I'm dead to him, I've been dead to him for a long time." ABBA's "Winner takes it all". has been my ear worm of the day too....I don't wanna talk...
He did text ahead to confirm the time he should be here, then didn't show up here for an additional half hour. I don't know if that's a strategy on his part to "see" me or not, as my plan is usually to have the kids waiting for him as he drives up, so I don't have contact.
He did ask me how I was and did look directly at me when he asked, although no compliment on my appearance. Doesn't matter, I'm always dressed to the teeth and "date" ready looking. He didn't talk about work just world events more or less. Talked about the debt crisis in the U.S.A, asked me if they'd got a deal together, talked about the Cdn dollar value vs. U.S right now. I didn't encourage him to talk to me.
From where I sit, I have nothing to say to him anymore. He will do what he will do, and I don't enter that picture.
I looked at him, and felt strangely. I recognise him as someone I cared for deeply, but there are no strong feelings there anymore.
He's a stranger to me now. I don't know who he is, what his values are, what he wants, what he thinks or what he feels. He's a cipher, and I'm not even sure I like him.
When they were about to leave my child tried to drag me up and said, "Come on Mom." I said, "Where?" He said to "Dad's", I said, " Your Dad doesn't want me there.", matter of factly.
May not have been DB'ing but it is what STBX told me.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Journaling So I was supposed to have a date yesterday night. Didn't happen. I ended up doing something I thought I'd never do. I drank a bottle of wine all by myself a decent merlot called Mad Housewife. Appropriate I thought. Yes I got good and looped. No hangover though, and strangely I feel pretty good. Woke up at 4:30AM and decided I may as well get out of bed and start my exercise regime up again. So I worked out for an hour. Supposed to be a beautiful and hot day, I think I'll wait until it cools and go for a long walk in the park. I'm taking this weekend to review DR and other stuff I'm learning.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
SC, there may be many who disagree with this, but I say bravo! Not something you want to make a habit of, but it's something you've never done, and a little looped is fine (I assume you were safely at home). Plus, Merlot... yum.
We have one life (AFAIK), might as well enjoy what we can!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
