Quote: Have you told him this is how you feel? Don't mention OW just something like I feel loved when you ___________ (fill in the blank). Lack of communication to your spouse is allowing this undercurrent of mistrust to flourish.
uhm? how bout when he first came home and all he wanted to do was be physical with me all the while telling me he was not physical with ow and yet was in love with her so much so that he left his wife and children to be with her? that I would like for us to form a friendship first..talk, spend time together etc. his response "I can't help it, this is just the way I respond to you"
you're forgetting who you are talking to here. I am not the one that doesn't communicate...h is. Unless of course you count throwing food and shoving as communication.
Quote: Don't assume you think he knows what you want....you have to spell it out for him repeatedly. Check out these books: "Getting your husband to talk" by Veerman AND "How to get your h to talk" by Connie Grigsby, Nancy Cobb.
h I would like for us to have one night a week set aside for us time...in the house or out on a date...just time to spend together.
h I would like for us to be friends, I would like to know what you do during the day not just a re tracing of your steps but something about your day.
h I don't really know who your friends are..if I were to throw you a party I wouldn't know who to invite.
H I'd like for us to do things together.
H I'd like for you to ask me to go somewhere even if just to the store.
are those clear enough or do I need some book to tell me how to either say nothing and wait...go myself and wait...or is there some other language people in a m speak??? like hey h we are going here so be ready. ya that cold work then I'd have on of those h's that just get dragged all over the place by their wives.
Quote: You have to realize that your h is not you and thus does not think the way you do. You are going at interactions with him with all your assumptions in place. You need to loose the assumptions! for help on this get this book: "The lies we believe" by Thurman.
I am full aware of the fact that my h is not me that would be pretty ridiculous. I know that my h doesn't think the way I do if he did that would not be good...one of me in a r is enough. what assumptions are you implying that I'm making and going with????
Quote: Don't assume you know why he's doing something....half the time they can't even tell you what they are feeling so how can you explain why he said THAT that way. You'll make yourself crazy!
I am not assuming that he said THAT that way. I simply said that is the way it sounds to me. I doubt my h would be so ignorant as to say or imply such a thing to me...it is simply that the way he has gone about things with me while claiming that his r with ow was another way IS sending me a poor message.
