I don't know what all this means. I do know that I feel like absolute dogshit right now because whether she's MLC or whatever she was right on several things. She told me not to worry about that now which didn't help me at all. I still feel like there is no reason for a D, but having her be reasonable and calm while she shared things that had made her unhappy cut me to the bone since I realized this might not be all about her. Damn.
I would rather she have cussed me out and hit me again. I have found my new low point.
It definitly is a 'Tale of Two Schitties' , huh ?
On one hand , we want that hurt to stop, and the faith that we once held ( and still do ) so completely for our spouse , sets us up to think that we can just flip a switch or say a phrase that will 'snap' them out of this nightmare.
So you got sukked in to her drama , and she put you right where she needed you to be to push that button, and cause you to be "that guy"...
Don't worry too much about that for now. Just learn from your mistake in it and take a step forward today in your journey. It is only a mistake if you don't use that opportunity to learn from it and not repeat it down the road.
You will find yourself in situations where things may start out completely normal , and the MLCer will start to feel that normalcy again too. That is when trouble for the LBS starts.
Your pretty little MLCer will spin things, and push buttons to create the distance that they need from you. to distance themselves from the emotional reality of it all.
They need to put you in the position of being the person that they FEEL they need to walk away from.
And how could they walk away from someone who is so understanding and loving toward them ?
They can't , so they start pushing buttons until they find the one that turns you into Captain A$$hole , and the person that they want to leave.
Thing is, that is a facade , a tainted image of who they NEED you to be instead of the reality of who you are.
Those are the times when you should practice validating her concerns...I.E. " I understand how you feel that way"
Those things that she said that "hurt" you or "stung" ???
Well , those are HER list of things that she feels , caused her to walk away.
Although those are HER things.....they "stung" because YOU belive them too , and you know that you were "that guy" that she accuses you of.
THOSE are the things that you don't like about yourself, and should take a long look at in your mirror ( yes mirror, learn that one buddy ).
Just beware that the things you do your work on, and eventually change within yourself. You don't do those things because SHE wants you to. You do those things because YOU don't like those qualities in yourself.
They are FOR you and you alone...
And although you may feel that you could 'Talk a cat off of a fish truck'
Don't tell her all about your new changes , and things going through your mind . Don't tell her about this DB site and put your game plan out there for her to see....That is for you.
Don't tell her that she is nucking futs , unless you want your eyes scratched out...
And also.....no cutie letters explaining how you are sorry for everything....
Originally Posted By: Thundarr
DID I FAIL MY FAMILY?!?!?!?!?!?!
My personal thoughts on this is....that you did the best you could with the tools that you had at the time....
Nothing that you did held malice, or willingness to emotionally or physically harm your MLCer throughout your marriage.
Accept your role in the demise, and own your parts..
Down the road a way, this will be something that you WILL have to deal with, but for now....???
I think you just may have enough on your plate...
Thundarr......I really do understand your pain right now...
I have cried those tears and felt those burning questions that you are asking....
All I can do is tell you that I see your future, and it gets better.
