Hi, there are a lot of newbies on the boards right now, and I am so sorry that you are where you are. I am writing quite a long post because my xh has been in full MLC for 6 years [bomb drop Oct 2005, preceded by sharp behaviour change July 2005], and I have an update on where he might be.
My middle son and his gf have just returned from visiting his father, and aare staying with me. Now this visit could not have taken place even six months ago, as he was still too mean and confused, although nicer then than previously!. He is much nicer and more like his old self according to son. Son's gf, who is very upfront, had a long conversation with him while they were staying. He now says how much he loves his children, that his affair with OW 'was over before it started' - his words, but it is 6 years on and she is still in the picture, although not around while they were there, and they do not live together.
He has still rewritten history somewhat - peddling the myth of a happy childhood, when 15 years ago he reduced a friend of mine to tears with an account of its abusiveness.
And most mportant, he expressed no regrets about anything he did - it was 'necessary' according to him. She found this very very weird, as in her 'normal' world, people do not walk out on a long marriage, but try and work things out, and if they don't work out there is real regret.
So this is confirmation of the information posted many years ago by Snodderly on TMAK's thread on reconnection. They reconnnect with their children before they start reconnecting with us [if they do]. Our fragile communication has ceased again, and I think he is still processing hard.
Both son and gf thought he was very depressed, and he is still somewhat trying to be young.
I am fine, glad that he is rebuilding bridges and meeting his sons' partners. I have no expectations but hope that one day we may at least be able to be real friends again. This isn't usually possible in MLC because they blame us for everything.
Incidentally he has done about 7 'touch and goes' between April 2006 and May 2010 [but not since then] - and even in january 2010 told me how terribly sorry he was. This feels different from those.
So, the journey can be very very long, and there are no guarantees that he will make it through all the way. It is tremendously important that we live our lives with integrity, for ourselves and our children if we have them. They are watching us and learning lessons.
