In the same way that none should be able to say they did not contribute to the demise of a marriage, neither should one ever feel like they were the direct or leading cause.


I believe that MLC in particular is a long term issue - kind of an emotional perfect storm. Much of the root lies in the life of the MLC'er, but the layers upon layers that eventually complete the picture are laid by many, and we as LBS's certainly contribute.


Acknowledgment that we played some role in our spouses crisis leads us to some self-reflection, and self-reflection hopefully leads us to positive changes in ourselves. This is the "work" that we as LBS's can most effectively do.


I'm convinced you can read as many studies as you like, speak to as many people you like, catch up on as many threads in places like this as you like...and none of will give you the ability to predict how the MLC your spouse is experiencing will turn out.


Numbers have the ability to comfort us, but too many of the numbers are best guesses in my opinion.


The truth is that none of the numbers or studies or stories matter nearly as much as what is inside of you. Back when I was more active on this board, there was a period of time when the issue of "standing" for your marriage or not became quite contentious. There were some who felt that you should stand forever, some who felt you should stand for just so long, and some who felt like a divorce decree was a pretty clear signal that it was time to stop standing.


They were all wrong.


You stand until you choose to no longer stand.


And it's your decision.


Not one of those you flip a coin on of course, but one of those that only YOU can make.



Again, it's about what's inside of you.


You know how you feel today, and you know the love that is still in your heart for your spouse. You know that the committment to her is still fresh inside of you.


So you proceed from there.


You keep the peace, you insulate yourself and your children, you protect your home and your sanity. You keep the path home one that your wife knows and can easily travel. At the same time you make sure that you don't allow her journey to knock you from yours. You can't travel together on this thing, and that's hard to accept.


Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."