I have read extensively on MLC and I've run across several different definitions. I have the one by Heartsblessing on my desk as I type this as a matter of fact. It definitely fits my wife's behaviors and I have been able to use it to make a timeline going back at least a year and a half to when it likely started. Going by this, I could peg her being in Replay by last September if not earlier. The bad thing is that this means nothing unless you stick to the 2-5 year duration that many speak of. There is no scientific research to back up most of this, nor has there been extensive empirical research that would substantiate such a theory. Technically speaking, it really is just a hypothesis and will stay that way until someone develops a way to extensively test it and apply it to a large enough group to validate the research.
Thundarr...
It is one thing to read about it, and learn all that you can about MLC..
That much I agree with, and support you in..
It is a much different thing to LIVE it, day in and day out for the years that most of us have been dealing with it.
To SEE what it takes to be a success, that is not tied to what is on the ring finger of your left hand.
Most of us, that have been here and lived this , have seen everything and lived everythign that you have read in your books.
I will never discount your pain and what you are going through....
It is the toughest thing you will ever face in your life.
I would venture a guess that this.....
Originally Posted By: Thundarr
Listen to the advice on here, but try to filter out negativity because it creeps into every board. I've found it most helpful to listen to those either going through this now or who have successfully reconciled
...ruffled some fur, on the Cat's back....
What you see as negativity coming from (your version) of "un-successful" posters , is also a reality that they have LIVED through...
The advice that you read in the archives, is because someone LIVED through that, to put it out there to make someone's life -who came after them- a little easier.
Most of us, that are divorced here .. are that, because of it being OUR choice now, to live the life that was ahead of us, regardless the actions of our MLCers.
The reality is, ( not negativity) that you may one day have to make that choice for yourself.
Not one person here, that had to make that choice, did it lightly.
Most of us did it for our own self-preservation.
Most were simply not willing to sell ourselves, for the sake of a relationship.
It doesn't mean we took or take our vows any less seriously though.
Nobody here is against you...
You just didn't make a lot of new friends on the playground today with that post earlier.
Keep asking questions and you will still get answers here.
