Right now she may not be miserable. She's on her freedom high. She's shouting it from the rooftops. That only lasts so long and then reality sets in. Usually in the form of consequences for their choices. They find out OPs aren't perfect after all and that the grass really was not greener.
Now, do you think after all the proclaiming she did about how happy she is about getting D'd that when the fog starts to clear and the reality of her choices set in that she will just let her misery show? Nope, that's where you'll see the mask. You may be aware that it slips once in a while but she'll wear it until she hits rock bottom.
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Could this all just be menopause?
No. I'm not saying that hormones are not involved, because sometime menopause may trigger a MLC, but this goes much deeper than that.
It is usually associated with the MLCer's childhood/teen years where something traumatic happened or a situation that the child didn't have the tools to deal with it at the time. The MLCer goes back to it and hopefully deals with it this time through. It's why we ask what their childhood was like. And it's why we say you didn't break them and you can't fix them. It happened long before you entered the picture. It's also why it seems to take such a long time for them to come through.
Think of your teenagers and how they change from 13 through 20.
Tad, your focus has to come off her. If/when she comes through her crisis and wants to come back and you let her, what you're going through now is going to look like a cakewalk unless you truly have worked on yourself and are prepared for R. Even then, piecing is the toughest part of all of this.
For now, let her go. Let her walk her path. You walk yours. Maybe someday those paths will meet again. In the meantime, put you focus and work on being the best Tad you can be.
