WAW, not sure how to proceed...

[dearme]

Hey Jen_Jam, I really appreciate that bit of insight. What an interesting perspective you must have, having been both LBS and WAW. I wonder about the in-house separation. Oddly, given her stated feelings, my wife and I are still in the same bed (she said she prefers it, and I know I sure as heck do too), and for the most part get along like a happily married couple...minus the sex and declarations of love. I find it odd; my wife attributes it to the fact that "even though she's not in love with me any more, I'm still her best friend."

In acknowledging that my wife may truly just be done and nothing is going to change her mind, she has said on more than once occasion that what brought her to her decision was essentially what you wrote: that I would pay lip-service to changing, and then within a couple of months (if not weeks) things would be back to the way they always were. As a result, she's just not willing to take that risk again. If only I had known then what I know now about DB'ing, backsliding, and keeping up the changes...and proper communication.

In my defense, I've always done my fair share of the cooking, cleaning, and child care...but when it came to where it really counted...my wife's "love language"...that's where I totally failed. What's even worse is that, at some point, I think I convinced myself that because I did contribute in so many other ways, it was ok if I wasn't measuring up when it came to my wife's need for me to take control of some of those social things and, most importantly, carving out quality time for just the two of us. Sadly, it took the "I'm done and I want a divorce" 2x4 to make me hear and understand just exactly what it was she was trying to tell me.