My MLC Story - Help is Appreciated

[Thundarr]

Geez, Cat, I have to say I'm pretty perplexed by your post. Let me clarify a couple of things that I think may be miscontrued.

First off, I don't "fix" anybody. Never have, never will. I help people find solutions to their own problems. Most often they already have them but just don't know it. I have no way of fixing anyone, only helping them.

I have read extensively on MLC and I've run across several different definitions. I have the one by Heartsblessing on my desk as I type this as a matter of fact. It definitely fits my wife's behaviors and I have been able to use it to make a timeline going back at least a year and a half to when it likely started. Going by this, I could peg her being in Replay by last September if not earlier. The bad thing is that this means nothing unless you stick to the 2-5 year duration that many speak of. There is no scientific research to back up most of this, nor has there been extensive empirical research that would substantiate such a theory. Technically speaking, it really is just a hypothesis and will stay that way until someone develops a way to extensively test it and apply it to a large enough group to validate the research.

That being said, there's no argument that it does fit. But, it's more of a catch-all than one specific thing. For some women, peri may be the root and I've talked to several women who went through peri that have described their feelings and ations that are almost eerily similar to my W's. Their explanations of their emotions being "like a strobe light" and feelings towards their husbands are akin to what I see from my W. Peri can affect different women different ways as well and can start as early as 35 (my W is 41). Granted, I'm too close to the situation to make any kind of diagnosis as it would be flawed. I can only go off of other's observations as well as listening to people that have been through the tunnel.

Everything I've read about MLC also says that it has NOTHING to do with the LBS and everything to do with the MLCer. That's why your comment about "warm and fuzzy" kind of strikes me as odd. I have yet to read anything that says the LBS contributes to the MLC in any direct way. Please point me to the definitive defiinition if I'm missing something. I don't take a victim role, but I and my kids are negatively affected by this and we do not deserve it and neither do any of the other LBS and kids that I know of. We are suffering but we are survivors, and I see no harm in not blaming ourselves if we are not to blame.

To me it seemed the tone of your post was kind of vindictive for some reason, but it may be just my interpretation. My career is in Marriage and Family Counseling so it's natural that I would want to know everything I could about something in order to understand it. That is what will help me help others that are going through whatever this is. It is pure Hell and anything I can do to protect my kids and myself, and hopefully protect my W from herself, I will gladly do. I take my vows very seriously and will not abandon any of them in their hour of need. I feel my W is sick right now as her behaviors cannot be those of a sane, rational person. I believe this will pass but don't know what will happen on the other side. I am still in shock that things like this happen, and marriages can just end like this after so many years together and having kids together. It truly is tragic and astounging at the same time.

Thanks for your words of advice, and please know that I am as much a novice here as anyone. I want and need all the help I can get to survive this and hopefully reconcile with my W once she has done what she needs to do.