I had a combination of the two - by accident. My H's A went on for 18 months before I knew about it, and by then Op was putting the pressure on - she had left her H and two very young children and was expecting my H to make a move. because of things I was saying and doing my H then told me about the A, and i took the tough love approach, but my H wanted/ needed that. He needed me to see OW off. He wanted to come out of it all as the nice guy,(doh!), even after he had made such a mess.
In all of this I think timing and luck can have a huge part to play....but underneath it all my H and I still knew we loved one another.....we had just forgotten for a while somewhere along the way and we needed to re connect.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
