My MLC Story - Help is Appreciated

[cat04]

Thundarr,

I decided to pull this over here in order to not hijack Tadpole’s thread.

What's going on in most of our cases defies logic or reason and mimics several different DSM-IV diagnoses. I've come to think of this as a transient mental illness, aggravated in some magnitude by peri or maybe even underlying undiagnosed psychiatric problems.

That is quite a diagnosis…

A transient mental illness…aggravated by perimenopause or a psychiatric problem…

Let’s you completely off the hook, doesn’t it?

The trouble with that is, by blaming the wayward spouse for "going through this" , lets us fall into the victim role.

Being in the victim role, lets us spin ourselves as "perfect" along the way, garnering all the sympathy votes from friends, family , and well wishers...

Nice to feel all warm and fluffy with that, but does very little to help in the true work of the LBS.

Here is the deal, you need to let go of your education and everything that you think you know where this is concerned…

I too have a psychology background, I work with mentally challenged and mentally ill people every day of my life as a social services case manager…(yes all, there actually is a technical term for what I do…)

I will also tell you that I am going through perimenopause, have been for years, about 7 the doctors think (I‘m young to be experiencing it)…

I may be a little moody, ok some days a lot moody, but I do not believe that it is something that you should be looking at as the cause of your W’s problems…

Do not confuse perimenopause with MLC, the only thing they have in common is that they MAY occur at the same time.

You can’t fix her. You can’t fix this.

Yes, there are things you can do to make it worse and one of those things is to try to fit her into some “diagnosis” that makes sense to you. Because then you will try to “fix” her. It is your career field isn’t it?

Learn about MLC, or life crisis, as most of us who have been here a long time like to call it, because it can happen at any stage of adulthood, not just around 40…

THAT is what it is going to take for this to make any sense to you.

MLC is a monster all it’s own. It looks similar, but it as unique as each individual who is experiencing it.

I totally agree that I have to make changes with myself and once the pain, depression and anxiety subside I feel I will be able to do that.

You also know better than this. Those feelings that you are feeling aren’t just going to go away. You need to do things to make them go away.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

Cat