keep detaching, you're making great progress but have some more to go. i've been D'd for 2+ years and am still detaching.
you can have feelings for her while you detach, the act of detaching is that your feelings dont get hurt when she doesnt respond in ways you wanted, or doesnt recognize your birthday, etc.
feelings are fine, its about not letting her be in control of them.
and your MIL wont change anything.
other women are great distractions, but right now should be only that.
and your kids are them most important right now, good job giving them time. this is the ultimate GAL. make this a habit, you'll never regret it.
you've made great progress since you first started here, i got on you a few times, but i'm proud of what you've been able to accomplish for yourself.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Well just when you set yourself up to expect nothing from your WAW, she surprises you.
Tonight she had a nice dinner ready for me and had even gone out of her way to have birthday cheesecake and brownies for me. My parents came over and my W made an effort to talk with them and was cordial and friendly. I know it was difficult for her because she is emberrased to see them and has made every effort to disappear since the start of June whenever my parents would visit.
This is another baby step.
Btw, I did take off my wedding ring, I don't know if my wife has noticed yet, but I'm sure she will.
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Going out this weekend GAL. W and kids are going to the in-laws for the week. So it's bachelorhood for me. On Saturday I'm going out to (something)fest with some friends, then Sunday will hang out with new friend from work. Detaching is coming along ok. It's tough for me when I see my W in her workout spandex for the gym... She has an AWSOME body now and it really stirs me inside.
I am hoping a former co worker of mine shows up at (something)fest I have been corresponding on Facebook a little. She is someone I am very attracted to, and it makes me feel good knowing that I can still have feelings for someone. I feel alive inside again. I hope to cultivate a friendship with this person, knowing that if things don't work out with my W, that things could progress with this OP. I am hopeful though that my W comes back from her 9 days at her parents with some perspective on our R. Her mother is suspecting that something is amiss with our R and plans to have an open talk with her daughter to help her sort out her $hit. I'm not expecting much though.
Well... This should be a fun weekend...
Johnnie
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Well.. Day off today, as it turns out, that's good because my W has 4 job interviews lined up for today. So I am watching the kids today. I sent my W a text msg this morning that read "Good luck today, I know you will do great. Just be yourself, you can do anything, and always remember that we your family believe in you... Go get em!". She seemed in good spirits and even asked me for help to use the fax machine which wasn't working...
She will be gone tomorrow for 9 days with the kids to her parents. I am looking forward to the quiet time and will also work on GAL while they are gone. My plan is, when I am home to screen the calls with the answering machine and let her calls go to vm. Same with emails. I have been keeping my distace from her for close to 4 weeks now. Very limited interaction. She makes absolutely no gestures towards me that are encouraging or could be considered as affection. It is a VERY lonely existence. What I would give to reconnect with her... Just a little sign of some kind that her heart is warming and the fog is clearing would be so encouraging right now. I can feel my feeling for her slowly slipping away,
Apart from GAL, what else can I do to keep focussed and not give up?
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
You were right, our situations are similar. Happy late birthday.
One thing that I have noticed is that it is great having three kids. When I am with them, there is no down time to be thinking of other things. They are all fighting for my attention. My D6 was attached at the hip to her mother for the longest time. She is slowly becoming a Daddy's Girl now. Is this similar to you?
Keep up the good work. I can't imagine trying to detach myself from my stbxw while still living with her. Prayers for you man.
Bits M:35, W:39, M:12 S1:10, S2:8, D:5 Bomb: 3/25/11 "I am not in love with you anymore." Moved Out: 5/19/11 Divorce: 08/08/11
I'm getting along ok, and yes my youngest D is definitely daddy's little girl, although she always has been. I have a tighter connection with her because I delivered her myself...
My ultimate hope is to rebuild my marriage to a full new and strong loving relationship, but I know that if that doesent happen I will move forward...
I also wish you the very best. I hope that you and everyone on this board gets the outcome to their situation that they truly desire.
I know what my hope is...
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Is this similar to you?