Can my relationship be saved?

[NTX_Dad]

"Worry is useless energy. If you worry about something and it happens, you have let it occur within your head twice. If you worry about something and it doesn't happen, you have let it occur within your head for no reason."

I'm so sorry you have to deal with your H's A, but it sounds like you are handling it as well as you can. Focus on you and your S; regarding your H, it's his loss.

It sounds so simple, doesn't it? I agree that it should be simple, but I know in my case, and many others, it's hard to stop worrying. It should be a conscious choice, but it's not for me, my mind just keeps doing it and I hate it.

[a girl]

Thanks, guys. Took longer to get S7 from camp than I expected, requiring me to make an hour of small talk with H. I was very pleasant and civil. I could tell he was waiting for me to say something about OW, but I didn't.

The closest I came was when he said he hadn't had time to look at the pictures of S7 on the camp website, I said, "Well .. I did have time. They're cute. You should go look."

Other than that, though, I was a freaking model of detachment.

We'll see how the talk with S7 goes. Maybe I can take just one more week of this. I'm going to take it a day at a time.

[a girl]

The talk went ok, but we'll see how the next week goes. Hopefully all is well.

H informed me that OW is trying to talk her husband into letting her move up here with the kids so they can be together. What's the code for a vomit face?

He also accused me of 'sabotaging' his affair (he called it a relationship) by talking with OWH. I shrugged and said that keeping his affair healthy wasn't really my goal, and I was just trying to help a betrayed spouse who is in a lot of pain.

He got pissy at me but then backed down a little when I basically said, "If I can do anything to ruin this affair, I will. I won't actively seek out ways to do it, but if her husband seeks me out and I give him advice that makes it harder to carry on the affair, good. I will absolutely admit that."

Because you know what? It's true. I'm not going to seek anyone out or try to stir up trouble, but if he asks me for advice, I'll give it to him. I suggested he read DR, although I don't know if he will.

[a girl]

I'm pretty taken aback at how S7 is handling things. I know it's early, but he honestly seems completely unaffected. We'll see what tonight brings.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Watch for physical signs.
Kids his age will show their distress in the form of some physical upset. Stomach aches, sleep disturbances, violent outbursts etc.

[a girl]

Thanks, SC - that's helpful. I have a great book on how to handle D with children - the Sandcastle book. H actually read it too (shocking me), so we're going to be vigilant.

However, I'm glad that I decided not to try to have H spend the next week here - I think it would have broken me.

[a girl]

S7 wanted to sleep in my bed tonight - therapist said that was fine the first couple nights, but to wean him off it after 2-3 days. So far seems fine, though.

[~¤DG¤~]

I've had my S10 sleep with me once since H has been gone, and that was probably one of the worst decisions I made. He hogged the bed and I slept awful. Never again.

I'm glad your S seems to be doing ok. It's always hard to watch our kids suffer.

[a girl]

S7 is with H today until 3pm. H called to ask if it was too soon to go buy bedroom furniture for S7 at his new house.

I was like "Well, it hasn't even been 24 hours, so yeah."

Then he said, "Well, can you tell me when we can do it?" I was like "No! We have to see he does. Stop rushing things!"

Spent some time on the phone with OWH last night - we're both in the same terrible boat, so it helps. Was interesting to hear the lies they've told each other about us.

Also found out that OW was arrested on Christmas Eve last year for domestic violence after she got drunk and attacked her husband.

And this is the person my H wants to leave our family for, and have our son around.

No freaking way.

[Forrest Gump]

Be careful with talks with the OWH. The best intentioned people have gone down the wrong path with that one. It is way too easy with 2 hurt people to go down the wrong path and complicate things even more.