Divorce on the horizon?

[broken5150]

Hi Tundarr,

I’m sorry for your troubles friend, but you couldn’t of come to a better place for advice and support.

Our stories are similar. Especially when it comes to the change of appearance and the venom spewing. During this stage which I believe is “Replay”, you will notice allot of anger and hatred towards you. I know it hurts my friend but it’s very important to NOT take this personal. I know it’s hard not to but, you must put yourself in this frame of mind. It took me almost 8 months to apply this to myself. It does help.

You have a great advantage that I WISH I had, you have your kids. I don’t. In my situation, since we lived in her mother’s home, she decided to have me leave while she keeps our kids. Actually, it’s her mother babysitting the kids while she goes clubbing, skating, partying, drinking etc etc etc. I visit them every day, but since, I’m currently living with my dad due to financial reasons and I can’t bring the kids over because it’s an adult community.

I have done the begging, crying, pleading, bargaining, the list goes on and it does NOT work. One thing I can tell you that does work for me would be going “dark”. When I’m constantly on my wife texting, calling or looking for answers, the angrier and nastier she gets. It’s like giving her a shot of GAMMA RADIATION! Lol! When I don’t contact her or text her for a couple of days, she starts sending me pics of the kids, smiley face emoticons and other little things to get my attention.

At the beginning, when this whole thing started, I was going to church for a band rehearsal and was praying to God asking him to please give me an answer to what’s going on. When I got to the church parking lot, I was talking to my mother in law when my wife walked the house. She saw that her mother was talking to me and my wife got furious! She took the phone from her mother and THOUGHT she hung it up. I was about to hang up and I felt a little voice in me scream “STOP! DON’T HANG UP!” I just sat listened…Then I heard it…She was talking to her mother about some guy that she was texting. I overheard the conversation of how he loves her body and all the things he would like to do to it. AND HER MOM IS CHEERING HER ON!

imagine that! I prayed and I got my answer!

I’ve been with my wife since 1990. During our years together, she became VERY overweight. Around 5 years ago, she had a weight loss procedure. She had lost allot of weight but had allot of loose skin. 3 years ago, she had a tummy tuck and breast augmentation. As soon as she healed from the plastic surgery, she went WILD posting herself on Facebook and trying to contact old friends. (She wanted to show off her new figure). When I saw that she contacted an old friend and I asked her why, she claimed that HE made the first contact. Little did she know that I already read HER first contact emails. That’s when I realized something was wrong. My wife is starting to lie to me.

She was always a very jealous person and very insecure in the past. We would get into arguments when I would want to go to my friends house just to play some XBOX. Now, SHE wants to go out with her friends, drink, party and have NO ONE to tell her otherwise. And, SHE IS OBSESSED WITH HER LOOKS! TEXT BOOK NARCISSM! Of course, her mother is loving it! Her and I never got along because she was a control FREAK and she comes from a history of TWO divorces.

So Imagine that! I get stuck with an MLC wife that has my kids and a supporting mother in law. Please read my thread for a detailed explanation.

The best advice I can give you is to please take VERY good care of yourself. This is not YOUR problem. Its hers! Our wives journey has NO room for us.

During my free time, I have gotten reacquainted with old friends and joined a men’s group at church. I spend every moment I can with my kids and I’m in constant prayer for my wife and family.

Please, listen to YOUR heart and what it tells you. DO NOT LISTEN TO OUTSIDE SOURCES! Since most probably those outside sources are your friends and family, most likely they are hurt for what you are going through and they will tell you how to handle your situation as if it were happening to THEM! I’ve been told to divorce, date, have revenge sex with someone else etc etc. You have to heal and go about your journey on YOUR own time. Not theirs.

Right after my bomb drop, I told a friend of mine what happened. He told me it sounded like she was going through a midlife crisis. He gave me a page to read on the net and sure as HECK my wife was a text book case of it. After reading and researching, I found that there is hope, Thundarr.

Sometimes our denial doesn’t accept that this is happening to us and we think that we can either “fix” or “help” them on their journey. The more I read and become familiar with this thing called MLC, the more I am able to cope and handle my situation day by day.

I hope this might be a glimmer of hope for you, but my wife HAS tamed down from the way she was when this first started. She is staying more at home and being the way she was with the kids. She is becoming a little nicer and not as RABID as she was before. For the last 6 months, she claims that the divorce papers are at the lawyers waiting to be served. I have gotten nothing yet. The first time I asked her about our marriage, she said it was over and there is no hope. The last time I asked her, she sent a smiley face on text. (Dude, its better than being called a “a worthless pathetic excuse for a human being”)

Here is the key thing on how to handle little signs of hope…Accept them at face value. Don’t think anything of it because the MLCers cycle allot and have mood swings. If you get your hopes up, it will just set you up for a harder fall the next time she Hulks out on you. Look at it this way…Its like looking at an empty pool. You are not going to dive in the moment a little bit of water gets in it. No, you WAIT until the pool is full, THEN you jump in.

We’ve only been dealing with this for a short time my friend. Look at all the other posts here. They are written by people that have been dealing with this for 4,5, even 6 years and are STILL fighting the good fight.

Please, don’t ever look at yourself or these good people as “weak” for standing for what they think is right. Look upon it as a testimony of faith. As for myself, I can’t let 20 go down the drain like that. My family is worth the wait. And at the end, if she doesn’t return, I can walk away knowing that what I did, was right.


Best of luck and most of all, PATIENCE!