As far as the anytime MLC, she's been mentioning stuff about feeling like she lost herself in our marriage...lost her identity and is in the process of reclaiming it.
Something I've been thinking about a lot...I think I've asked this, but not sure if I've gotten a concrete answer... what do you do if some of your 180's are pursuit behaviors? For example, some of my wife's main sources of unhappiness are that I never scheduled dates, never planned a vacation, and in fact never made plans in general...I always tend to do things on the spur of the moment. I'm more than ready to change that; I would love to schedule a date night and plan a vacation, but doing so would make it appear that I was pursuing her, and that doesn't seem to be the right course of action since she still seems firm on her decision to divorce. She's still more than willing to do stuff with me and the kids (taking them to the beach for the day on Sunday as a matter of fact), but balks at anything that's just me and her. As a matter of fact, we have dinner reservations for tomorrow, that I had made back when the bomb first dropped in an ill-advised attempt to show that I was capable and willing to make the changes she needed to see, and over the last couple of days she's been displaying some ambivalence about going. Not sure how to handle that...just go ahead and go, or cancel them... maybe suggest I go with someone else? It seems like maybe I should shelve the 180's that have to do with her, at least for now, and just focus on the ones that have to do with me (mainly, pursuing my own interests again; reconnecting with friends; becoming more generous, patient, and tolerant; not worrying about/asking too much about what she does).
H: 41 W: 35 M: 9 years T: 10 years S: 9 D: 7 ILYBINILWY & "I want a divorce": 6/22/2011 Piecing: 10/2011 Still going strong as of 4/2013