Feeling alone and frustrated with a 180.

[Psych77]

Well, over the last couple of days I was doing the "steps," and got to "Step 3, ask for what you want." I made the commitment to ask for one of my "baby steps" last night. I wanted us to talk to each other more freely, and I pared it down to having W ask how my day was when I get home. I had two others, but I thought just asking for one thing at a time would probably get better results.

It was a pain in the neck, because I can't really talk to W while the kids are up, and since the oldest is almost 17, so he stays up late almost every night (not typically a big problem - we have a small house, and it is unreasonable to expect him to go to bed at the same time as his younger siblings), I had to wait until W and I were in bed together. I told her that I thought it would be really nice if she just asked me how my day was when I came in, and would she please do that.

Her first response was that she was not sure, because she was really struggling with talking to me right now. Actually, I appreciated the candor, which was closer to intimacy than we have had for a long time.

Then, finally, she turned back to me and said, "So, how *was* your day?"

It was a little victory.

Then this morning, W called up and asked me a trivial piece of information - the year of our car. I answered her, and asked why she wanted to know. She was terse and evasive, and then just said goodbye.

I think she is maybe a little anxious that she let her guard down a little last night, and is perhaps compensating by being distant today. I guess I shouldn't be trying to figure out what is going on outside my own head, but it makes me feel better to think this is what she is doing, rather than starting to doubt if I did something wrong.

Not much else to say today. Will just keep on plugging.