Am I failing?

[Forrest Gump]

"Vent until you get 90% of the 18 years of accumulated crap out of your system. May take years."

They all vent to me. I have had close to 2 years to get most of the stuff straight in my head. Even though we were "together" we weren't. The hardest thing is really just getting used to saying the X wife. Or calling the house Home. There is really not much left in me. I have seen and felt both sides. I have been a LBS and I have been a WAS. I have seen the effects of both situations.

"Probably just on the surface and for now. Jenny will use D to whack you 2x4 style until it comes back to hit her. You will get blamed for and sucked into all D's drama with Jenny as stage director."

I get that it is a on the surface thing. It again is just proof of the perception's that people use. Here is Jenny telling me that the kids will not want to be with me and that I was/am a horrible father. This was her basis for actions all along. If the kids really felt that way then why would there be any emotion attached to it at all? I mean if the kids really felt that way and I was a horrible father they should be glad to see me go. It is disappointing that things had to go this far for me to be "right" and it was never my intention to prove that.. but here I am. I am trying with the D but she seems resistant still. I asked her if she would like to go to dinner just me and her and I got IDK. But when the car would not start I was the first person she called.

"Strange choice. In my case I did not make the choice and I know who was to blame. Usually 1 person makes this choice and years before it comes to pass."

I can agree with that. Still it takes 2. Anyway you look at it we all had a hand in the downfall. It could be just a simple lack of knowledge or communication. From what I read here and what has transpired in my personal life 9 times out of 10 it really is one of those simple core issues. I mean how many times do you hear.. if only X had happened.

"Heard this one too. People come up with more nonsense to justify their bad decisions and actions"

But what if the nonsense is really how you "see" life? What seems like BS to you or me.. could be the most important thing to someone else.

"I found its best to establish clear and firm boundaries, the earlier the better."

My boundary has become I don't want a part in the life you have chosen. She is free to do as she chooses. I have no expectations. All I can do is try and keep the lines open with my kids. I knock when I go to the house and I respond with yes or no answers to her texts.

"So, quickly? The dust hasn't even settled. By the way, odds are she will get hooked onto someone much sooner than you and that will trigger another stage in the on-going drama."

This event did not kick up a lot of dust. I can't say that I don't agree it is a bit fast. I have been open with my friend and I am not out there "Doing Work". It is nice to know that there is someone out there that enjoys your company. I don't see it being a long term thing. I don't think she does either. By all accounts it is casual. No sex. I cannot even risk that being a possible thought. I have to wait a year (well 10 months now). Jennys R's won't trigger much drama with me.. I have had experience with that.