trying to see the big picture

[AloneAt35]

Tank, since you can't think clearly (and since I'm in no position to give advice), I would ignore her call(s) until YOU know how you want to handle it.

My M.O. in life is always 'unconditional love', which you've shown in super-human amounts toward your W. However, even I say at this point, Tank's peace of mind and bodily well-being come first.

If you have found peace in the last few days by being "done", you need to honor that. Your needs come first now Tank. First and foremost, your kids need a dad who has enough energy and will to fight the fight of his life against cancer.

Your W left her whole family hanging for WEEKS. You are under no obligation to speak to her on any other time frame but your own, and I would seriously consider doing otherwise until you've both had a chance to think about what the past few weeks have meant.

She knows where the kids are at. She has a family that can get her there to visit them if she wants to explain her actions and apologize to them in person. You owe her nothing and you owe yourself every calm, peaceful moment you can get.

I know this isn't very helpful, I'm just so horrified by your W's treatment of her own children that I don't know how to handle it either.

I know you don't want to miss an opportunity to bring your wife back to being the mother she needs to be, but I don't know how you balance that with protecting everyone from more heart break.

I just don't know.

When you said, "I want her to convince me why i should let her come home, and thats not right" its because you know from DBing that when you have *expectations* you are bound to fail. Until these expectations are gone, you're not ready to accept a phone call from her.

That may be never.