trying to see the big picture

[a girl]

Tank, I'm not any of the people you called out for, but I am in a place similar to yours - not that my H has asked to come home, but that I have been thinking about how I would handle it he did.

It's hard to consider letting them back in knowing you might be right back here in 2 years.

I would ask - what would she have to do in order to make you feel you can trust her, be with her? Is it counseling? Radical transparency?

I think you need to figure out what you *need* to be able to be with her. And if there's nothing that would enable that, well, that's an answer too.