Divorce on the horizon?

[AntoniaB]

I think it's time to block her text messages, Tad. She is doing nothing but tearing you apart through them.

I know you have kids and legal issues to deal with, but there are ways to handle this stuff apart from text messages. What did people do 10 years ago? They sure negotiated this stuff without texts. And 20 years ago? It was handled without email.

I teach writing for a living and have done so for almost 20 years. People have an enormous sense of confidence to say what they might not ever say if they have the ability to email or text. They can be more rude, more confrontational, more ballsy by far if they don't have to actually SPEAK to the person face to face. BLOCK HER WRITTEN ACCESS TO YOU. You're not cutting her off; you're protecting yourself and eliminating her primary means of attack.

I agree with you, you're in love with the "old" W. She is a monster now, and unrecognizable. Any time she says something that makes you think she cares, you can't really believe it, because that is tempered with about 10 things that reflect the opposite.

How do you deal with her if you block her texts or email? You seet the tone/rules, Tad. You tell her that you will speak to her with civility on the phone if necessary to deal with legal stuff. If she says ONE THING that attacks you, you say "I'm going to have to end this conversation. Goodbye."

If she cannnot learn how to be civil to you, then she needs to communicate with you via an intermediary. Do you have any friends or relatives who can be impartial who can just relay messages back and forth? When I went to the intermediary, my XH's messages went from attack to nice as pie. Why? Because he knows someone is WATCHING.

AND, I don't retaliate with sadness or hurt. Why? Because someone is watching.

I can't believe it, but I'm gonna quote Dr. Phil here. He's always saying that you teach people how you want to be treated.

How do you want to be treated, Tad? With respect? With dignity? Then start demanding it. You don't love her less if you do this. You love her the same. You simply love yourself too much to keep being her punching bag.

You are DBing. Why? Because you're setting boundaries, you're sticking to them, you're stopping pursuit, you're getting out of her way, and you're letting her life her life while doing what you can to repair yours.

And in the end, believe me, you will be a stronger man than you have EVER been because of what you're going through.

The time for her to see that if she ever wants to is LATER. When she's out of her fog, if she is, and when you're the man you really want to be. But not now, because she isn't capable of seeing anything past her own fog right now.

So really, block the texts. What would your life be like if you removed all of them from this past week? Think of that. Let that motivate you.