WAW, Filing as Fast as Possible

[aeolianchaos]

Just had the mother of all R discussions. Yoinks.. nearly 3 hours and most of it focused on our relationship, her feelings of guilt and regret, my issues, the list goes on.. it kind of felt good.

To be clear, I validated and acknowledged a lot of what she said that was accurate or true.

I also was clear about the fact that just because I feel the way I do, doesn't mean I expect her to feel the same.

I did a lot of "you feel like... can you give me some examples of that.." instead of arguing, just trying to understand where she is coming from better.

A fair amount of tears, but no anger and a lot of really constructive conversation. I think my kind demeanor really unset her in some ways -- like she didn't know what to feel about it.

She still has this concept of "co dependency" that I feel is a little flawed -- she thinks I was dependent on her and that she was dependent on me to give her that role of caregiver. To that end I get the sense she feels like if she were with me now it would be continuing that pattern. I guess she really doesn't recognize how I wasn't dependent on her in the ways she thinks I was.. I was dependent on her in other ways, for sure, but not in that way.

Of course she still believes getting a divorce is the right choice, but I guess that isn't really the point of the discussion, is it? I acknowledged that and told her that even though I disagree I recognize that its her decision to have.

i did call her out on a lie, where she said she wasn't thinking of leaving me earlier this year when I had seen a convo between her and OM about how he didn't want her to leave me for him. I wasn't aggressive, I just told her that I didn't expect her to stay married but I do expect honesty.

I got an answer on the hiding address thing.. I'll get to that later.