Emotionally I am up and down but as each day passes, there are more ups than downs. I care less and less, and think less and less about STBX. The emotional connection I once felt between is pretty much gone. The affectionate, married love I felt for him is dying by increments. I'm getting to the point where when I see him I feel no spark, no affinity. He's like some old high school classmate I once knew and have little in common with. Lately when I hear his voice half the time I'm repelled, and I don't want to talk to him. What's the point? He doesn't give a hoot about my life or me, he's only interested in our kids.
I am in the best shape physically that I can be. I try to live in the now as much as I can. I've dropped my expectations where STBX and people in general are concerned. I have given up most of my controlling behaviours. I am a better listener. I am the least stressed I have been in my entire life, God's honest truth.
I have work. I have my children full time.
I have friends and do go out quite a bit, and when I'm not out I'm working on me, working on my "stuff" and doing the best to figure out what my dreams are and how to fulfill them without STBX in them.
I'm not doing anything to push divorce foward it would hurt me, and there is no going back to what was.
What am I looking for you ask? In life? Or in a relationship?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
