Starsky309-could u please explain the difference of "letting go confidently and the Little Bo Peep way? Aren't they both just leaving them Alone?? My H has OW. I know about it. He knows I know. I offered to work thru thisand he seems to think we can't. So there it sits. I've had no contact for 5 weeks. What do u suggest?
"Bo-Peep" means a naive (in my view) belief that the affair will end on its own. They don't, usually -- they're highly addictive, and like most addictions they usually ESCALATE, if anything, and much emotional, financial, legal and even medical damage can be done for every month the affair continues.
I'm more of a "fight-the-affair" guy, so I can't really do the "letting them go" thing any justice. There used to be a poster around here named Robx that explained it pretty well; might've even had a suggested script for what you say. But the thought behind it is that you're basically saying "I hear you -- you're not happy. I agree, this isn't working, and it isn't working for me, either, so I"m giving you what you want, and moving on. I value myself too much to want to stay with someone who doesn't want to stay with ME."
HUGE difference from "Bo-Peep."
"You're having an affair, I know it, you KNOW I know it, and yet I'm offering to 'work thru' this with you" isn't a very strong or attractive position, UNLESS you're coupling it with an absolute hard boundary of "but you need to end all contact with OW."
