I have given you suggestions. You don't want to hear them. You said you have tried everything but an ultimatum. So I suggested the ultimatum and be willing to follow it through. Then you said you don't have the stones to do that. If you let it just fade naturally, you will be a waw. If you put an ultimatum on the floor, you will not be. What is preferable? Waiting isn't going to change things.
LL, I really think you are a very good woman who deserves better than what she is getting. You have put up with crap and have tried. I do applaud you for that.
As I have thought about your situation, everything you say intimates that it is hopeless. So, if you give an ultimatum, one of two things will happen. Either nothing will change and you will start a process of removing your H from life or your h will get the idea and start changing which also may require him to go away from you for a while too. You did what i did a few years ago. I came back home and nothing was fixed. Look where it got me. Your H is still home, so you still have a chance to fix it. Take the chance because from what you say, there really is no down side.
