I really want to stand for my marriage and be there for my W when she comes out of whatever she is in. The bad thing is I read The Divorce Remedy again today and alot of the behaviors she is engaging in are covered in earlier chapters of the book not related to MLC. I took comfort in thinking this was something I had no control over starting and that she would have to work it out herself, but now I wonder if I did play a large part in it and just did not see my marriage crumbling before my eyes.
Does this look like MLC to everyone?
Whether it is MLC or not - we all have to look back at our marriage and take responsibility for our own part in its demise. does this mean it is your fault? no. but part of this journey you are on requires you to look inside yourself and see the things that you were responsible for and change - change for you. not for her. for you. only real change can happen if you do it for yourself, not to get her back.
When / IF she comes out of this she will see the person that you have become.
FTR - my STBXH has roped me back into his craziness multiple times by being sweet, wonderful, kind and "normal" - I have fallen for it many times thinking that he is coming back, then he turns around and withdrawls again all the while telling me that he knows he should break up with the OW.
Try not to get confused by this, it is her confusion - let her own it. and it will mess with your mind. I know it did with mine - still does.
Take for example, it has been a year since the bomb dropped about ILYBNILWY and OW...he now lives with the OW and we will be divorced by September. We have a great friendship and love towards each other, but we are both on different paths now. I have loved him enough to truly let him go. Yet just yesterday he sends me a text that says, "you used to talk to me."
AHHHHHHH! so frustrating. he is STILL trying to rope me back in. meanwhile, LIVING with the OW. Do you see how crazy they all are? You must separate yourself from this poison. It will eat you alive.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
