WAW, Filing as Fast as Possible

[aeolianchaos]

I feel the "mediator" comment might have seemed a little... confrontational... even if it wasn't intended that way...

It was intended to be confrontational in the best of ways - she has been acting in a way as to suggest that somehow there is a large amount hostility and that she is scared, or that I am going to jump down her throat. Neither of these are true - nor have they been true since she walked out. I literally stopped begging or pushing the day after she left (and read DB the next day which only further solidified that choice). Basically, I'm playing along with her actions and taking what she says at face value when I respond to her. I'm hoping that by reflecting what she says, she might take a little closer look at it.

She responded to my e-mail last night -

She says that none of my magazines have arrived where she is staying. I have doubts about that - customer service had that address on file as the mailing address. I will let it slide - she could be telling the truth - but I am still unsure about confronting her about this whole hiding her address business. I do find it offensive, but as someone posted in Denver's thread "This isn't the hill you want to die on" (I love that line btw)..

She brought up that her lease begins on sept 1st and she wants to put some stuff in storage while she is on tour overseas. I think this might be more to the point of these communications -- she wants to make sure she is covered when she leaves. This brings up a mix of issues -- I need to find a new place to live, but I don't have a job. Without a job, it will be a little tough to get a new apt. Without a job, it will also be tough to know where to move - I plan on downsizing, big-time, and ideally living somewhere that my commute will be mercifully brief.


In response to my questions regarding if she felt like she needed someone there to mediate: " I'd like to think that you and I can talk freely to each other...maybe we can start with emails and then meet at [Coffee Shop that I live at lately] or something."

If this is the case, why would she be avoiding me so intensely? I am happy to communicate with her (I see the opportunity here for me to hold on to myself and stay centered..) but considering its been a month since we last talked (and I thought the last conversation was a worthwhile one) I'm wondering if this is purely going to be for functional purposes or if she has something she actually wants to express to me.

She mentioned this: "I knew that week was a pretty significant one for your family, and you guys were/are in my thoughts a lot. I'm so glad that it went well."

I don't know -- is this more of the "I'm really not a bad person" kind of communication, or is it perhaps more sincere? Its hard to know anymore -- my trust has been so eroded by all her actions that without being around her, its hard to get much sense for what is genuine from her. She may well be trying to regain/find her integrity.

In other news:

Woke up this morning pretty chatter-brained.. but then I got a Faith No More song stuck in my head (Star AD), which was better than what I was thinking.. so now I'm feeling a solid groove and looking forward to talking with IC this afternoon and a yoga class this evening.