Feeling really low on confidence on this whole thing. I have been doing so much reading on this sites online community and all the LRT actions and steps to take, I should have been doing since mid February when she moved out. I feel now it has gone too far for anything to work, given the last 4 months all I did was call, email, text and plead for her to come back.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Hi Cam, I'm sure you are in terrible pain right now. Thry to go easy on yourself. It takes 2 people to make or break things in a relationship. My situation is similar, but I haven't posted it yet, still trying to make sense of it after my wife left.
Just imagine how you would feel right now if you and your wife had a couple of small kids running around and she took off.
Read other people's stories here and it will help you. I know it's helping me and I am inspired by the people who are fighting for their Ms here.
Just try not to beat yourself up right now and try to take care of yourself a day, and sometimes a minute at a time. When you feel completely down and hopeless, try to take a cold (not cool, but cold) shower. A friend of mine recommended it and it helps a little.
I know what I need to do: GAL and implement LRT tactics. However, she wants absolutely minimal contact with me, I guess because I have made it so hard over the last few months begging for a chance and to understand her reasons for doing this. I just struggle to see how any LRT tactics can work when there is no contact and she has just blocked this whole thing out like its not happening. She had so many people at this wedding asking about us and what's going on - she wouldn't talk to anyone about it, and is completely hiding from the fact that this is happening and will not discuss it with anyone or I don't think she would even contemplate the thought of coming back. In her mind its gone too far and we can't go back now.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I went to the doctor today and told her of my situation, she prescribed anti depressants for me. Probably made me feel worse about myself to know that a doctor believes I'm in such a bad way. It staggers me that my life has become like this and when I reflect back I would never have expected someone like me would be on medication. My wife has been on and off anti depressants as has her family and it scares me that now I'm there too. She gets back from America next Tuesday. I'm so nervous and worried as to what's coming next from her and what's in store over the next few months.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
cam, would you feel the same if someone said they were diabetic and was taking insulin? Or asthmatic and using an inhaler? It's the same with anti-depressants. They are there to help you heal and get you back on your feet. You should have no shame taking them.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Thanks for the thoughts on ADs. Does anyone know anything about 'attachment issues'? My wife's psychologist says she has attachment issues developed from childhood problems that cause her to have trouble developing long term stable relationships. How do I approach that problem and is there a way around it?
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
So here's the thing, cam... you could do a web search and find info... and I or someone could actually post a link here...
Without a shadow of a doubt, I understand that you would like to know your wife's "diagnosis" to help you understand what makes her tick...
Your question though, is leading... and it points directly to how YOU would like to know about it so you might be able to FIX the problem... or said differently, so that you know how to BE around the problem...
But... she's in therapy and the doc is most likely going to work her through that...
If you are asked to participate and help your W develop healthy, adult attachment, that's when you can step in and do as your W and the doc ask...
Until then, you might want to think about how you can be more attractive so your W WANTS to attach to you in a healthy, adult way...
