I'm having trouble following what you wrote. What is it that you say is manipulative?
In her eyes (the WAW in an EA) sees her H as being manipulative when he "interferes" with her "private" business. This is the view point of a woman who is cheating and wants the M over. Words such as manipulative, controlling, private, intrude, etc., are pretty common in the WAW's vocabulary when speaking to LBH.
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What changed about me since our marriage is that I began to tune her out.
Happened in my M, too. It's a major mistake for H's to "tune out" their W. I would try to talk to my H and he would just look at the TV. Mad me so angry and resentful b/c I knew he did not do this with our children or anyone else, just me.
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He boosted her emotionally and this was very fulfilling to her given some low esteem issues that I've only recognized during this crisis
Exactly! My H didn't see that my self-esteem had taken a wallop b/c he was tuning me out of his life--in the the area that important for me, in order to be intimate. Only after my EA did he begin actually looking at me when I tried to have a conversation with him. Sad!! And, you know what? He's beginning to slide again.
I would not suggest getting her flowers or gifts right now b/c it is heavy pressure.
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She seems to tire, as she did during our Sunday drive, of me trying to engage her in conversation.
Bet you never thought you would see that day arrive! Right? Here's the thing, it has all changed. Her R with you is upside down now. What she craved for years up to a few months ago...she doesn't want it from you now. She still wants affirmation, etc, but not from YOU. That is what a lot of men don't understand. During the time the W has her WAW mindset....what would have been the very answer a few months ago (where you could have taken her to an over-night, romantic get-away, and healed some issues with her) doesn't get the job done now. Do you see what I'm trying to say?
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The good news is that we had a fun night tonight
She may be trying to leave you on friendly terms. If she hasn't already said it, you might expect her to tell you that she wants to remain friends.
Have you decide what you will do if/when she files?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
