Walk away spouse- what else can I do?

[Handler]

I am confused about the living arrangements. Are the two of you living under the same roof or not? If not, there sure is a lot of time together.

As it's already been pointed out, you can't stop her from wanting to fish for new men to give her a thrill. Now, if she's not living with you, then I'm surprised she took her profile down (and she will put it back, later). A WAW who has been in EA's see this a being very "manipulative". They use the same term even if they live under the same roof.

The point is not to control her but think about what she finds attractive in a man? What attracted her to you? Are you still the way you used to be when she M you?

Her "attraction" for OM is not so much about the physical looks, but more about how he makes her feel. That's the "high" she's needing in the EA. What did you use to do before M that made her feel really special? Why does she feel that the M is dead? I can tell you that she felt dead emotionally until she experienced the EA. So now, she's like a starving person seeking food.

I appreciate all the advice I can get and thanks for responding.
Yes, we are under the same roof although she has asked me to move out two weeks ago. I refused.
I believe that she is preparing to file for divorce. I will have 1-2 months before I'm ordered out by the court according to legal advice I received. No, there are no abusive tendencies on my part (other than my tuning her out) but I've been told this is how things (my being court ordered to leave) are likely to go in my state.

I'm having trouble following what you wrote. What is it that you say is manipulative?

You are right on the mark with your observation about her feeling dead emotionally.

What changed about me since our marriage is that I began to tune her out. She chatters continuously sometimes, something that is referred to as the "babbling brook" in the 5 Love Languages book. I am the non-talkative one and this relationship was great at the beginning. I fell into this tuning out pattern and she reacted by criticizing. The walls reciprocated and got higher.

I've been reading many books, the latest of which is the 5 Love Languages. Surprisingly, I ended up having "Words of Affirmation" being my hands down love language. I though "Physical Touch" would be the winner but it is a distant third. This has helped me understand why I react the way I do to verbal criticisms not only from her, but also from others, particularly in my work.

The thrill she got from the A was a person who was willing to say whatever was necessary to get to her physically. He boosted her emotionally and this was very fulfilling to her given some low esteem issues that I've only recognized during this crisis.

I've tried to figure out her love language and I'm very hesitant to ask her to take the test for obvious reasons. I talked with a close friend (to both of us) this afternoon and her guess was also "Words of Affirmation" but also thought that "Acts of Service" or "Receiving Gifts" might also be. My estimate (I tried to answer the evaluative questions on her behalf) is that it is either Gifts or Words of Affirmation. Regardless, I'm not free at the moment to respond freely to either of these perceptions. She seems to tire, as she did during our Sunday drive, of me trying to engage her in conversation.

The good news is that we had a fun night tonight as I had the D earlier in the day and we met her at an outside restaurant for dinner and drinks. This was a good night with no put downs and some good, if not shallow, conversation between us. I almost recognized this person sitting across the table from me.

I continue being the person that I hope only a fool would consider leaving.

I'm committed to helping her avoid being a fool but need all the help and support I can get as the going, as you and many others at this site know, requires some stamina.