On the same vein ask Jack's post, this is something that will take time.

Understand that your sensei can show you a move, you can practice it and you get immediate feedback. In DB, that is not the case. Your W will not tell you whether you are getting it wrong, getting it right, or where you are in between very positive and not so much... So what works for you is unfortunately not going to be easily available for you. This will be a challenge...

So in order to see that something is working, choose small steps and do them over a period of time and eventually you should see what the results are and if or how to course correct. That's probably where your feeling of isolated is coming from. That the feedback isn't there. Your W is insulating her deepest feelings from you. That's typical. Yes... you are on your own to work on YOU.

Certainly I did not one day, suddenly drop the rope. It took time and a few attempts. The date mentioned below was when I really changed my efforts to accepting that I will be OK if my M is not saved and began truly living for me and my kids. And it still took from from then to not fall back onto the roller coaster. But not much... And I did not preset that date in my mind. It just happened after one too many emotional triggers were pulled...

It's too bad that you had an argument with your W. It is too bad that her upbringing may be coming up in your M now. These are things that you really have to try to avoid. If your W really thinks you are a bully, it is simply what she thinks. Understand that you may NOT be a bully, it's just what she thinks or the word she uses. For whatever reason...

I would like to recommend at this point that you work on validating statements.

Regardless of whether your W was right or wrong, telling her she's wrong... she won't take well to that. I get that it will be difficult to comprehend, but she may not be engaging you in argument to determine who is correct or incorrect and to what, varying degree... It could just be emotional outburst and ANY subject might be an opportunity for her to release those negative emotions.

So work on validating statements and work on ensuring they come across as sincere and not condescending...