Can my relationship be saved?

[a girl]

I'm fine to greet him cordially at the door when he drops off S7, and be pleasant. I just don't want to engage in 10-15 minutes of "how's blah blah at work blah blah" conversation with him.

Had a good night out with the girls - spent a few hours eating apps and drinking (just diet coke for me). Feeling good right now, and every minute I don't feel bad is a blessing.

Not sure if I'm done - I think the real test will be on Friday when we tell S7.

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm glad you were able to go out with your friends.

My friends have been my rock during all of this.
Even though I don't go into specifics with them about my sitch, they are always there for me and I would be lost without them.

[Forrest Gump]

"Not sure if I'm done - I think the real test will be on Friday when we tell S7."

As odd as this sounds.. try not to let events be the things that steer your "emotion". I read things the way they come out on the page here.. because most likely they come out "here" (DB.com) in order of importance. They do so simply because you are posting in an emotional state. You feel safe and you are looking for help.

"I'm fine to greet him cordially at the door when he drops off S7, and be pleasant. I just don't want to engage in 10-15 minutes of "how's blah blah at work blah blah" conversation with him."

Ok.. so you are good with putting on the smile. You are not ok with talking about the "blah". Nothing wrong with that. It is a fantastic start. What are things that you can do to make the "meetings" like that? How can you keep the "meetings" just about showing your face and your smile? Does this put some control in your hands? Does it make you a stronger person?

I know some of the questions were redundant but I want you to "see" where I am going with the statement.

Back to this...

"Not sure if I'm done - I think the real test will be on Friday when we tell S7."

Right off the bat you are telling me you are not done. Which is fine. I am here to hold you to what you say. People say things without understanding the work that has to be done to make them happen. I don't want you to say "Forrest I am done!!" cause most likely being this fresh at DB'ing you would be lying to me. If you are unsure.. you are not done.

Don't let the Friday event become a "test" or the litmus that you use. You will come to "Forrest I am done" by a continued behavior pattern from him. The idea behind DB'ing is to bring people close to you by standing out and being your own person.. becoming attractive by doing "nothing" more or less. The first step is to get your head or "Emotions" in check. Start slow and just do the best that you can. Eat.. sleep.. and prepare for what is coming.

Can you play out what you might say to the kids on Friday? What are your ideas that you want to put out there?

[a girl]

Thanks, Forrest. I suppose you're right - "I'm not sure if I'm done" is the same as "I'm not done".

I think I'll be ok - I'm generally good at keeping a handle on my emotions, and my job is such that I spend a lot of time pretending to be upbeat and cheerful even when I'm not - so be pleasant and cordial with H when he drops off/picks up S7 won't be hard.

Right now I'm going to assume that we're both moving on with our lives, down different paths. Not going to focus on if they'll reconverge or what I would do if he wanted that - it's silly to torture myself with "What ifs".

As far as telling S7 goes, I'm not willing to lie to him, so there is that. Our therapist suggested some language - we're going to basically say that we're not happy living together so Daddy is going to live in a different house, but we both still love him very much and he will still get to see Daddy a lot, and then after that we'll have to play it by ear based on his reaction.

[a girl]

Picked up my car this evening - 2011 Subaru Impreza. Love it! Lots of fun features like syncing with my iPhone for hands free calling, etc. Definitely a lot more responsive and fun to drive than the 2005 Pathfinder that H is keeping.

Feeling pretty good today. Had a couple bad moments, but I cheered myself up with french fries.

Still looking for some more input on "going dark" - bearing in mind I will see H every 5 days out of 7 for a "drop off/pick up", how do I interact pleasantly but quickly?

Goals:
Keep me sane/healthy by limiting conversation with him
Let him miss me

Thoughts?

[a girl]

Just confirmed that although H is on a business trip to Vegas, he's meeting the OW there.

My "ok day" just sort of imploded.

[a girl]

Doing my best to just breathe. Don't know why I'm so bothered - I knew it's what he was doing. I don't know why confirmation hits me so hard.

[a girl]

Just journaling.

Things I want to, but will not, do:
Call his boss (very christian, very family oriented) and tell him that while on the company dime, H is engaging in an extra-marital affair.

Call him and tell him he can see his son when he gets a court order.

Pee on everything he still has left here.

[~¤DG¤~]

As tempting as it is to want to go psycho (and I say this affectionately as I have been there myself) it's good that you are using your judgment and not let your emotions get the best of you.
Especially when it comes to not letting him see his son. That's hurting him, but I know you know that.

How did you confirm this information?

[paige40]

I like that pee on everything he has left here! Only smile I have had all week!

I know how it feels to want to go crazy on someone but this is someone you are going to have to deal with for a long time. That is what I keep telling myself when I want to through H's things out the windown or tell his mom the real reason we are splitting up. This will make you feel better in the short term but could have major complications in the long term.

How did you find out??

Please let me know how it went telling your son. I am going to have to have a similar talk with my 2 boys.