Thank you everyone for your support, it means more to me then i can possibly express. I hope that it has given a little more to those who have been shaking there heads at some of my actions. I am a stubborn man, it takes more than a 2x4 to set me straight.
I have had a sit down this evening with my MIL, BIL, my Parents, and a couple of close friends. I told them the news. I am a very detailed person. I have a binder with all my reports, and the treatment plan. They asked a lot of questions and i told them what i could. As you can imagine, it was an emotional night.
As a family, they helped me to decide that the kids will not be told unless things take a turn for the worse. I have already had 4 weeks of chemotherapy, and i have stayed pretty strong through it. I have a rest and recoup period before i start again as my blood counts were very low. The children will be told only if and when they have to be. They do not need any more added stress then they already have. If we do tell them it will be with the family as a whole and with the family counsellor for guidance and support.
As for my wife. I dont care if she belives me or she doesnt. She can see the test results and talk to the oncologist if she so chooses. But i refuse to tell her. I dont feel that she has anyrights to know what is going on with my health. Its about me, not her. So i will not be telling her.
Now that being said, i have told my family, that i would like to keep this situation limited to the people present at the meeting. If they choose to tell my wife, i will not be mad, but i ask that they do not tell her as a means of trying to get ehr to come home, or to hurt her any way shape or form, as in look what he is going through and your not there to support him. I dont want this to be used against her. The family will make the determination on their own as to what they will tell her.
Maybe its just silly, but today i had to drive to her and OM house to get health cards and birth certificates for the kids as she ordered their social insurance cards and had them. I also took the remainder of her things and some things she had left at our mutual friends. I let her know i was coming to get the I.D., when i got there she had put it in the mail box. My daughter wanted to see mommy and she cam with me. I got the stuff from the mail box and placed everything on the porch then got in the car and let my daughter go to the door. She stood there for 10 mins ringing the door bell and knocking on the door. Her mother didnt answer.
At this stage, with the way i am seeing things differently, i just dont want to talk to her. I cant tell her what is going on with my life. She has hurt my children so much, i cant look her in the face and say anything nice.
I deleted her from my facebook, i blocked her numbers from my cell phone and the home phone. She can call the kids on their cell phones, all 4 of them have one. I have changed my email address at work and my work cell number. I am cutting her out of my life. I just feel that i have done enough. I am going dark on her. She no longer has me to depend on. Its time i start living my life for myself and my kids 100 percent.
I am jumping out of an airplane in 3 weeks, I set a date tonight with my SIL to go and buy roller blades and we are going to do it together and exercise with our dogs.
I feel very good now that those people that mean so much to me know my situation and are there to support me, and yes that means everyone on here as well.
I have made arrangements for the kids to be at my parents this weekend, as friends of mine are moving. I cant do any lifting, but i sure can drive a truck.
Maybe getting my issues out there and this final slap in the face from her are what will help me through this funk i have been in. No matter what happens with my health, the next little while will be all about me and what makes me happy. I spent a wonderful afternoon with my daughter, of course we had to have 2 ice cream cones each. Such a bad father i am, lol. Watched s9 play soccer and then spent the evening with family and friends.
